Do you Know Jack?

So I’m going to break a cardinal Jill Blog rule… I am going to write about a guy I am currently going on dates with. (Insert Gasp! What?) I think it’s important sometimes to reflect on things as they currently happen when 20/20 hindsight is not in play.

I ran across Jack’s* profile on OKCupid.  I clicked on it because he looked really good in his profile pic. Truth be told it is of his behind swinging a golf club, that angle made the pic better 😉

When I read his profile I immediately liked him. Luckily his other profile picture showed his face and how handsome he really was. Most of the time I will look at the profile and then not write. I figure the guy sees I look at them it’s up to them to message me first. (Yes I know it’s so old-fashioned).  As I was about to click out of his profile, I noticed a key piece of information, he was about my age and lived in the city I graduated from.

As I am on the dating sites it is pretty normal for me to run into people I know. Now this can be from high school, church, or more commonly from my work. Honestly, it’s a little weird passing someone in the hallway when you know what they’re looking for in a lady friend.

Another Jill rule, if I know you or could know you I will message you if I look at your profile. I don’t want anyone thinking I’m creeping on them. I’ve had guys that I know do this to me and I think it’s crappy to not provide feedback. I mean if you know me you should tell me at least thumbs up or thumbs down.

So Damn! Now the pressure is  now on me!

I didn’t recognize Jack… but then again I don’t remember a lot of people from the town I graduated from so this wasn’t uncommon. I think I wrote some lame message asking him if he graduated from our town and left it at that.He replied back the next morning with a very thoughtful message saying he graduated from a neighboring town and asking me additional follow up questions. Score! He was interested!

We then began messaging and texting furiously. It’s that texting that happens in the beginning of every online dating scenario. I’m telling you though it was an instant text connection. I literally laughed out loud many times as we made jokes that most other people would think are very inappropriate. Plus we had similar views about politics, family and values. After a few days, he called me. Again another connection and a great voice. I was smitten before meeting him.

Over the next few weeks we have several dates. They are all A-MAY-ZING! I am not known to be shy, but with this guy I can talk for hours.We talk to the point that we both realize it’s past midnight and we really need to go… like really… how about 20 more minutes?

So when I won dinner and baseball tickets from a local Pizza place I knew instantly who I wanted to take.

I kept thinking about all the romantic things he does for me.

  • Refuses to let me pay for anything
  • Opens every door for me
  • Buys me coffee (made the way I like it) before our date “you know Jill we’re going to be out late”
  • Texts me Good Morning every morning
  • Sends me random 90’s R&B & Rap songs to help me with my daily jams

So now I was going to be able to be romantic for him. Really turn the tables. Ask him on a date that I planned. I was pumped! I debated and debated on what can I do to make the invitation cute and let him know that I was thinking of him. Skywriter? Nah seems too cliche…Send him on a scavenger hunt throughout the city?.. Who has time for that? So instead I sent him a screenshot of my winning announcement and the below thoughtful text message:


Why of course he had to say yes to that beautiful message. I mean really who wouldn’t? I believe he said he even had a tear in his eye from the poetry of it.

That following Wednesday we meet at the pizza place. This was the first time he was going to see the “real Jill”. I was running late from work and had less than 15 minutes to get ready while talking to my boss on the phone. I was wearing very minimal make up, had my hair down from a morning half-hearted curl, and was wearing a tank top. Not real “woo sexy date night” look that I normally rock for dates with this guy.  The good news is  that he follows me on Snapchat. He really knows what he’s getting into.

He’s running late so I order for the both of us. It is then I realize I clearly don’t know this guy. I mean how could his choice of pizza toppings or salad dressing not come up?! So I took a wild guess and just ordered. He showed up  looking so cute in a button up shirt. He said “You wore green for the Dragons!” I said something like “Yeah, you better hope the other team’s colors don’t consist of salmon or I won’t sit with you.” He laughed but I think sometimes you need to let a guy know what to expect 😉

Collage 2016-06-22 20_19_29
Seriously amazing food! Hungry again just looking at the picture

So we ate our delicious pizza and drove to the game. I asked him to drive because my car was a hot mess and I didn’t have time to clean it before our date. We walked to his car and it was right next to mine. I said something nervously about my car and how messy it was. Jack doesn’t seem to be the kind that doesn’t have EVERYTHING together so I was genuinely embarrassed. But, he didn’t even make a judgey face and instead said something sweet. I felt better instantly.

As drove to the game we engage in our epic conversation skills.  At this time, the rain begins to come down. It is a light rain but the chance of rain was high that night so we knew the game was 50/50. Jack said “whats the worst that can happen? The game gets cancelled and then we just talk?”

We arrived at the game and had really good seats. The seats were under cover and allowed us to stay away from the rain. As we sat down the announcer announced a delay of an hour. We decided that was the perfect time to go get a beer and walk around to stretch our legs… plus Jack’s active and doesn’t like to sit very long.

We get our drinks and it was so crowded under the overhang that I asked him if he wanted to take a walk around the ballpark. I don’t mind getting a little wet and it would have allowed us to talk without shouting or having to watch for everyone else. As we begin walking I say “Oh this is a metaphor for our future relationship… we can handle any storm.”

About 2 minutes later… “This rain is getting a little hard! Lets turn around!”  He tells me No and that I need to remember that I was the one who wanted to turn around during our storm. Again I laugh! As we’re walking we run into a family that Jack knows. It’s a little soon in the courtship for me to feel comfortable with seeing someone he knows. We haven’t even defined it yet! So what do you say “I’m Jill. Jack’s future wife?” Now, why would I do that? Because that is hilarious and completely inappropriate. Right up our alley.

Instead, without missing a beat, he gives the guy in the family and hug and introduces me as Jill. Like seriously no beat missed. I shake hands and smile and say Hello! I can’t say how nice this was. I know that may sound silly but having a guy not be awkward and just own that you are his friend made me feel so nice. I mean heck most guys I talk to won’t even like a Facebook photo of me unless I’ve talked with them for months.

We continue to walk in the rain and then we stop and just talk. It is amazing. We chat about what’s going on in his life and in mine. I will say that the epic texts have died down since our first few weeks.  These dates are really are our time to catch up on the previous week. So of course, we have a lot to chat about. I mean a lot can happen in a week!

We go and grab another beer and sit down. The rain is still going on and another rain delay is announced. At this time the lightning began. It was far away but definitely something we both kept an eye on. We continue our conversation and then the most magical thing happened… I mean absolutely beautiful…

The rain stops, the sun comes out and a DOUBLE RAINBOW appears! It is at this moment that the grounds crew remove the baseball covering on the field. It was one of those moments that really will only happen once in a lifetime.

Actual photo taken by Jack for me… My phone went dead

The game then started. We drank and we danced to the pump up music. I have not met someone else that, like me, doesn’t really care what other people think. I mean on our dates he has rocked out to “Jock Jams” with me, taught me how to waltz under a street light, and reeled me in like a fish when I showed him my epic dance moves. I mean sometimes I even have to say “Jack! That’s too much!”

The game is a blur. I honestly don’t remember much of the players. But I do remember things that Jack said to me. “Jill I’d drive a hundred miles to see you” which I continued to repeat as “Oh yeah because you’d drive a hundred miles to see the Dayton Dragons.” I don’t know why but I thought that was the funniest thing ever. Plus it was really cute when he’d correct me.

We both decide to leave after the 7th inning stretch. He even told me (unprompted) I “sounded nice” when I busted out into song to “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”.  We walk to the car and dance to Fetty Wap on the drive back to my car at the pizza place. It was so much fun! We get to the parking lot and continue to talk until after midnight. He walks me to my car gives me a goodbye kiss and we part ways. I have butterflies the entire time!

I’m not sure if this guy will be my forever guy, but I do know that he is worth the time to find out. I can’t figure out if each date we have is more amazing because of what we do or because of who I’m with… I guess that determination will be left up to a future blog.

He said “I don’t know why you put an emoji over my face Jill… I’m not hiding from a wife!”

For a future blog, I thought I’d answer any curious questions you have about my dates, blogging while dating or dating in general. I am not an expert but have learned a lot from my experiences. Email me at and I’ll be sure to answer your question without revealing your name 🙂


You don’t do these things do you?.. Part 2

So as I stated in Part 1 of my “Jill won’t date you if” blog there are certain things that I’m on the look out for when finding my dream man. Some of these things are very serious and some are just lessons I’ve learned going through this great world of dating. I have now included my blog on all of my online dating profiles, so if you are reading this before messaging me (thank you) and good tips below.

So one day I’m sitting in the Kroger parking lot waiting to go in. One thing to know about me is I HATE grocery shopping. No seriously… get high anxiety when I walk in. So normally it takes me about 10 minutes of car snap and singing time to get the nerve up to go inside for 5 minutes. This is something I am actively working on and found that listening to non-edited rap music helps. I mean it’s such a rush hearing Drake, Luda, and Big Sean while smiling at old ladies. Also, then I can bob my head, sing along, and do dance moves. Seriously Kroger can be a club if you don’t worry about what people think.

Okay so I digress, I am sitting in the car snapping and singing and it starts sprinkling. I mean really light sprinkles. One of those rains that it is still questionable of whether or not things will get worse or just blow by. I look outside and see this guy bolting through the parking lot. Like full sprint… running a 100 yard dash… and I immediately knew…

We Can’t Date If… 

You Run in the Rain

I literally rolled my eyes. I mean unless you are in a monsoon and there is threat of lightning or you have an allergy to water you should walk… no…strut that stuff. If you are running you are proving a couple things to me:

  1. You are unprepared- I mean if you are that afraid of getting wet you should have an umbrella. How would I expect you to help me plan our future family, 401k, house purchase if you can’t plan to bring an umbrella? The idea that you’re going to have a match, if we get lost during a family hike and get cold, just went out the window.
  2. You care way too much about your looks- I’m the kind of girl that will go grocery shopping with my earbuds and yoga pants (then I wonder why I never get hit on in the grocery story). If you are worried your hair will get wet because it will “ruin your look” I guarantee you’ll be spending more time getting ready then me… always.
  3. You are a little bit of a baby- Dude it’s rain.. man up and walk. We’re going to experience a lot more in life then a little rain (hell I do all the time) you can’t just stroll through rain you probably won’t be able to handle the real stuff that life throws.
Excuse me man strutting in the rain…Will you marry me?

You are Separated

When I was separated I completely refused to even entertain the thought of dating. I considered myself still married until the day of my divorce (even if my ex didn’t agree). So coming out into the dating world I went into it thinking it was morally wrong to date a guy who was separated. I’ll tell you that opinion changed over time when I learned all the various reasons why people separate but are not divorced (money being the main one). So during my dating history I did date a guy who was separated and began talking to many more not knowing they are separated.

I quickly found out that my gut instinct about dating a separated guy was correct but for a completely different reason. Divorce is COMPLETELY MESSY! There are so many feelings and logistics to plan that until you are fully divorced you are not really cut clean of your partner. Men jump right into dating. I mean dating is fun so why not hit it up early?! I’ll tell you why…You have to go through stuff. There are emotions associated with divorce and the idea that I’m your distraction from these doesn’t follow my end goal. I’m not a rebound… I’m a center.

You are looking for someone “Active”

So there is one more difference of me dating BD (Before Divorce) and AD (After Divorce)… about 50 lbs. My weight has always been something that I struggle to get comfortable with since when I was a teenager.  To say I had “food issues” would be putting it lightly. I won’t characterize it but say that I definitely had some concerns eating. This is a conversation topic with  my dad and my mom and is brought up in most conversations “Jill eat more broccoli” “Your thighs could feed a family of 4” “Jill there is no way you have lost 30 lbs” “Does he like bigger girls?”

So when I went back to dating I was so nervous. I was terrified that I would find a guy that had seen my pictures and then meet me and be grossed out. Now, I truly think that all women are beautiful, I just have this issue with myself.  I think this is something that many women can So, my first rule was that any dating profile would have a full body shot. But, if I was doing the swiping, I would always  swipe left on the guys that went to the gym or stated something about being active.

My opinion of this has slowly changed though. One of my first couple of dates was with a very hot and very fit 22 year old. Now, I thought he was 26 but found out later his true age. He heavily pursued me online and when I showed my girlfriends they said to go for it! I went into the date thinking “why would he like me?”… turns out that he did… a lot. But, I quickly realized there is no long term potential for a 22  year old hottie.

Since then I have dated several guys that are very active and attractive. These guys have never said anything about my activity level or anything negative about my body. The current guy I’m talking to (I promise he’ll be a future blog) says “Maybe you can watch Netflix… while I ride my bike” now there is a keeper.Starting to learn there is a lot more to me then my hot body 😉

Actual full body pic

You have a Cat

I mean can we all take a minute and say it is a little weird when you hear a single guy who has a cat? Unless that cat is truly badass it’s just I don’t know… not attractive. First, it’s an actual logistics issue. I have a kid that is allergic to cats so the idea you have to get rid of your cat when we get married is an awkward conversation. “No seriously Snookums has to go… to the pound or to the ‘farm'”.  Second, the idea that a guy has a cat that just sits on his lap as he pets it brings up a different feeling in my stomach. Third, I have 2 dogs and they may try to eat your cat…. also a logistics issue.

My actual dogs (cat eaters)

So in conclusion… If you want to be my dream man than walk in the rain, be completely single, like Netflix and don’t own a cat. Seems pretty simple right? 😉




What Happened to Courting?

So before I was married I dated several guys in the Mormon church. As I wrote about in my previous blog , that was very much different than how I date now.  So I thought it was very surprising when I received a message on one of my dating sites from a Mormon guy I had chatted with before my ex-hubby.When I got the message I realized 2 things, 1 this guy had NO IDEA that he knew me and 2 he was no longer Mormon.

I immediately thought of the times where we hung out many years ago. I wouldn’t say that we had “officially” dated as there was no kiss or anything like that. However, that wasn’t that uncommon in my pre-marriage dating history. Jude* would walk me to my college classes, went out to dinner after class (he paid), drive together to parties and talk for hours in his car. I was beginning to think he was kind of cute. He even gave me a nice gift basket after I had been in a car accident with my favorite things in it. (Yes these kind of VERY thoughtful gestures and dates are common when dating Mormons… it is truly courting your future wife). This kind of courting  typically does not happen now in my dating life… I’ll say typically because things may be changing 😉


“So Jill why did this end?” You may ask.”It sounds perfect!” Well it ended when one week in church Jude decided to pass out flowers to all the girls in our church. Well I mean every girl…except for me.He even gave this new girl to the church a dozen flowers in front of me. When I talked to him later and said I I was confused and he pulled the friend card. I got it… I either misread the signs OR he was douche. Could go with either one to this day. After reading this blog you can make your own decision.

So, back to the present. I reply to his message about liking the Browns (ahh my love) and call him out about acting like he doesn’t know me. He immediately changes his tune and says that of course he knows me. I was so sweet… blah…blah…blah. In my head I’m thinking, dude do you even know who I am now?

So, eventually he does realize who I am and we start texting. This wasn’t a guy I was excited about meeting (after all the last time it did not end well…no matter the reason). But, I thought that I’d give him a chance and our text conversations were really engaging and it was nice talking to someone who knew me BD (before divorce).

So we agreed to meet at a local pizza place. It was his pick and I was excited to catch up with him. I dressed up and got ready for the pizza. I met him outside and gave an awkward hug. He looked older than he did 15 years ago… but then again I did too. He was still cute in a nerdy kind of way and definitely worth talking to.

So, we dove right into the conversation over beers (yes a big No No in our previous lives) and ordered pizza. We talked lightly about the past (not our past… like seriously whats up with the flowers?), our decisions about our religion, and then got into my past.I literally threw up my entire marriage and divorce history. Like all the nitty gritty details that typically you don’t go into on the first date or with most people. It was just a release. Everyone has the typical “uncoupling” message that you say to people. So it is nice to be able to sometimes tell  MY version of the truth. So basically it was a good conversation date. Spark? I’m not sure I’d say that. So after a while we talked about a second date.


At the end of the night, he walked me to my car and did the awkward hug again and left. A little while later he was texting me continuing our conversation. Again, great conversation but not sure about a spark.

So then one night while we were texting it happened. He sent me a pic of 2 quarts of ice cream. This is a reenactment of our actual text conversation (from my memory)

Jude: Hey do you like either of these ice creams?

Not actual picture

Me: I mean, yeah I guess I like the one on the left.

Jude: How about we make a trade?

Me: Hmm.. okay. I mean it’s not my fave…but for what?

Jude: How about for our second date, I bring over this ice cream and then you let me do my laundry at your house? We can hang out and watch a movie. (Is that code for Netflix and Chill?)

*There goes courting out the window*

Me: Umm… sure I guess. I mean yeah sure but I gotta go. Have a good night!

1 day later…

Me: Yeah I went on another date and really like him. (in the one date? not my best line). I’d like to see where things go. You seem like a nice guy and I wish you the best of luck in dating!


I’m not going to say that I really provided him the best feedback moment. I am normally pretty direct with people but I just felt really weird. Like really weird. I mean not only a Netflix and Chill invitation (which you get used to…kinda like What’s your fave hobby?) but then I need to do my laundry. I’m dating in my 30s, so I would like someone who has figured out their laundry situation. I’m cleaning up my dirty laundry… not worried about anyone else’s.