Ever wonder what happens after the Blog? Part 1

So as you all know the dating life does not end after I write a blog about a guy. Warning what I’m about to write is not for close family or those who do not watch PG13 movies as it gets a little real ūüėČ

Some things that are true about almost all of my blogs (I say almost as there can be an exception):

  1. I write a blog about a guy a few months after we go on our dates
  2. If I have contact information for a guy I will send him a link with the¬†blog about him and ask for his feedback ¬†(although very recently I’ve stopped doing this… I mean after all if you read my blog before keep reading)
  3. I keep everything PG13 (at most)¬†as I’m not trying to be Carrie Bradshaw writing¬†Sex in the City stories… plus I have a rep to protect. But, yes, I’m an adult figuring out the dating world so there are some not PG13 moments in ¬†my dating life. Some of these moments are the funniest… I may get the guts to do those stories as it’s own blog.
  4. Every guy I date now knows about my blog. I’m very open about it and while it’s caused more issues than its saved…I still like to give a fair warning (Topic for a future blog for sure)
  5. I always want to stress this is my dating adventure. The guy may think differently and if he does he’s always welcome to comment.
  6. I ALWAYS change the names. Again this is my dating adventure not taking anyone else on this adventure with me ūüėČ

Now we got those out of the way here are my updates:

Batman vs Who?… Part 1 & Batman vs Who?… Part 2

Jason* was a regular reader of my blog so I messaged him after I wrote about him. He said he was surprised that I liked him that much and that my blog was “fair” and “accurate”. The fact that he was surprised really enlightened me and helped me learn to be more upfront with my feelings with future guys. I was really happy that he thought it was accurate¬†since he had been such an important part of my blog writing and gave me feedback after each blog post.

Since he was such a big supporter both here and in life, I refriended Jason back on Snapchat and decided to try out the “friends” thing. He was still dating the lady he chose over me and was¬†¬†happy with her.¬†After a few weeks of regularly chatting, I realized that my intentions were not the best. It’s not something that I am proud of at all and probably my biggest regret about my dating life so far.

We both kept things in the friend zone in our conversations (although I did leave the door open to a possible re connection) and I kept telling myself I could do the friends thing. It was when I ran into him and his girlfriend at a local festival that I had the stark realization that I was making a HUGE mistake still talking to him.¬†I felt a punch to my stomach.¬†I needed to end our friendship but that’s really tough when I thought he ¬†hadn’t¬†¬†done anything wrong.

I had a conversation with my sister (my dating reality check) and she said “Can you really just be friends Jill?” and I got to thinking. So it was then I realized that I could not be a true friend to him and already knew my place in his life. So I sent him a message. I thought he’d be surprised when I told him I didn’t have good intentions and needed to end our friendship. However, he wasn’t. He told me that he was keeping me around for “backup” for his girlfriend. That was a great lesson learned and something I realize I deserved given the situation… yeah thanks for that.



Is Two Really Better than One…

Oh Romeo*! So one of the things I did not stress enough in my initial blog was this guy ¬†was really¬†not kind.¬†Yes, I’m one¬†who¬†tries to see the best in everyone but this guy’s date was really bad. So when he messaged me “Hello Jill” a few MONTHS after our date¬†I was confused. I looked up the telephone number on Facebook and instantly thought “UGH”.

Now a little piece of Jill info- I do not keep numbers in my phone… at all! If it’s been like a week since I have heard from you then you’re getting deleted. I think there will be like 3 Mikes I’ll talk to over the history of my dating so why keep each of their numbers if they are history?

So Romeo messages me and I pretend not to know who he is. Yes it was a game and yes I try hard to not play games but this situation was a hot freaking mess. So I asked him who he was and he told me. Then I text¬†something like “I’m not sure why you are messaging me? I haven’t heard from you in months and didn’t feel any connection after our second date. Judging on the time between our date and your text I’m guessing you agreed?”

He did not reply back….

Until, he found me on a dating site. He again messaged me and said “Jill, whatever happened between us?” What?! I don’t think I replied back, although I was tempted to send him the link to the blog. For everything that I wrote about there were worse things that happened that I didn’t write about. So I’m not sure where the term “us” even comes into play…. seriously dude? … yeah that’s annoying.


What Exactly am I Aiming for?

Nate*… Nate… Nate…

So I did not save Nate’s information after we stopped talking and the time that I started blogging was after our time together. So when Nate messaged me a few days after I posted my blog about him I was sure that’s why he messaged me. I didn’t know how we would have found out about my blog but it’s the internet. ¬†I’m not going to hate on anyone that read it.

So here is a paraphrased version of our text conversation (I deleted it because I was pissed):

Him: Hey Jill! How have things been?

Me: Hey Nate! (looked him up on FB by his phone number) Wow I haven’t heard from you in forever. Things have been great! How have you been?

Him: Really good! I actually have a new girlfriend.

Me: Wow! That’s awesome! You’re a great guy I’m so happy for you. Guess what?

Him: What?

Me: I started writing a blog about dating and just wrote one about you and I.

Him: What’s the website?

Me: <insert this website>

Him: Great I’ll check it out…. So my new girlfriend, I like her a lot! She’s perfect for me! Plus she’s a total freak

Me: Oh that’s nice! Sounds right up your alley.

Him: Yes she keeps mentioning that we need to get a third person.

Me: Mmm k?

Him: I always ¬†thought you were cool to hang out with and wanted to know if you were into that kind of thing…

Me: Yeah…you and I never had a two not sure why we’d have a three? But I’m definitely flattered.

Him for the next 5 minutes: Come on Jill! Live a little…She’s really pretty… You should give it a try.

Me: No…

About 10 minutes after this conversation he proceeds to go OFF on me about the blog.

Here are his concerns:

  • Everyone will know it’s him (My reply: How? I didn’t use your real name or anything specific about you)
  • He buys his socks at a discount store why didn’t I mention that? (My reply: I didn’t know that… hence the reason why I didn’t mention it. I can add it in if you¬†want-¬†¬†He did not seem to be amused at that comment)
  • Why I didn’t I mention how we… <insert PG13/R act here> (My reply:¬†I’m not into the Sex and the City writing dude… but I will say he did compliment my skills ūüėČ Thanks Man!)
  • He’s going to comment on the bottom of the blog (My reply: No problem. Go on ahead.)
  • I need to delete the blog (My reply after a lot of consideration: No… I won’t. You’re only mad because I won’t join you and your girlfriend. You’re being ridiculous)

So the conversation started¬†getting a little threatening… so I went ahead and blocked him. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life… yeah that’s crazy.

Just like my entire adventure in dating so far…



Burying dead animals is a normal date activity right?

Let me just say this blog is not for the faint of heart but it’s beyond too much…

So I began to talk to Derek* on OK Cupid. He was really sweet and ¬†wrote me very thoughtful (while lengthy) messages. We wrote paragraph after paragraph to each other. I thought he was cute and looked very friendly ūüôā

After getting my phone number he called me after only a few text messages. I was so impressed by this! I thought dang this guy is pretty amazing! We chatted for a few hours the first time and I was really excited for the date we planned.

This guy truly had EVERYTHING I was looking for in a guy:

  1. Handsome
  2. Tall
  3. Browns Fan
  4. Funny
  5. Smart
  6. Great Job
  7. Stable
  8. Ready for a relationship
  9. Committed to the dating process
  10. Thought the same things about me…

So we planned our first date shortly after our first conversation. (Can I just say nothing is more annoying then a long term pen pal? Ugh!) We met at a park to walk around before going out to dinner. Let me clarify,¬†this was a public and busy park (little chance of murdering happening). He brought me beautiful flowers and I could tell that he had very kind eyes so I agreed to walk around with him. We kept the conversation going throughout even when I put my foot in my mouth…

Actual conversation (paraphrased a little):

Me: Oh yes! I always laugh at the most awkward situations. ¬†Like moments when you really shouldn’t laugh. Funerals, church services, bad comedy (only in person) or even in Lamaze class¬†during¬†the visualization part. I mean if I ever start laughing in a situation¬†where I shouldn’t¬†I just think about dead puppies to make me sober really quick.

Him (looking down): Jill that’s really bad.

Me (not realizing what’s happening): Yes I know but it helps me stop laughing.

Him: Jill… I had a puppy¬†when I was younger… (yeah we know where this goes)

So yeah after some awkward moments we continued talking and walking through the park. Don’t worry everyone not once during this park walk was I alone or in danger!

This was not like the “Other date”. We then played miniature golf (I believe I won… well not really but ¬†I gotta keep up my golf score street cred) and then went out to dinner. At dinner I kept the appropriate conversation going by reading tweet from my fave¬†twitter handle @The_HelenKeller

I spent more time crying, trying to breathe, and handing him my phone then actually reading.

Examples of these genius tweets..

So needless to say I was really turning on the charm. We gave a goodnight kiss and I was happy! I thought man this guy is really great and I really felt comfortable with him. I even thought I felt a little chemistry.

We went on many more dates after that. Every single one I ¬†felt comfortable and enjoyed spending time with him. He was just like home! However, I realized I was missing that chemistry spark that just ignites. That I want to kiss you and make out with you and just squeeze you feeling! I legit was stressed about this. How could I like a guy so much and think he’s perfect and NOT just want to grab him?! I mean he was really good looking, sweet and always doing romantic things for me. I really should be feeling different.

Let me tell you about the best date we had:

So about 10 dates in we had planned for him to drive to my house and to go out¬†to dinner. I really needed to run errands and we were averaging about 3 dates a week so I thought “yeah lets go run errands together”. Now I know this isn’t the most spark worthy date but sometimes when you’re dating that often you need to get stuff done too.

I talked with my sister on the phone about stopping by her house to pick up my sunglasses I left that previous weekend. My eyes were getting annoyed at the sun beaming in them so I really wanted them. As I was talking to her making plans she said “Oh Jill, don’t mind the dead kitten in the box. I can’t imagine burying him and (her husband) won’t¬†be able to bury him.” Side note: I now realize how ironic this is from my previous story… but I’ll continue.

So Derek shows up ready for what he thinks is a¬†super romantic dinner date. He walks in the door and I legit say “Hey, I was thinking about running errands today. How do you feel about burying a dead cat together and then going out to dinner at my favorite place to eat?” He looks confused and I explain how my sister is upset about her kitten and that I want to help her out. Like the perfect guy he is, he says “You bet!” and we head over there.

We drive the 45 minutes to my sister’s house and I tell him to stay in the car. I mean I don’t know if it’s weird to introduce a date so early on to your family. Also, ¬†I didn’t know what dead cat date protocol was… none of my dating books have that. So I walk in and ask her where her shovel is. She tells me where it is and Derek goes to get it. My sister and her children go outside and they meet Derek. Instantly, her kids just love him. I mean it was an immediate connection. It was almost what I wish I had with him (but includes more kissing on my part).

We have a small funeral around the base of the tree for little Boston. We all say kind words and how we loved him. Afterward, Derek said for us to go inside and talk (we were both going through a little family situation) and that he’ll come inside when he was done. ¬†It was a quick burial and he comes inside shortly after we do. I ¬†question him on the depth of the burial due to other animals being around but he assured me it was safe. I did NOT want that call from my sister in a few days.

So, we’re about to leave to go eat at my favorite bar. It was now time for that special date! ¬†My sister says “Hey! Can we come too? Wait, is that weird?!”

So we have to choose a different place because I am not bring my sister’s children into a bar (even if they do have great food). We drive separately and her littlest wants Derek to hold her and carry her in the restaurant. We eat dinner together and immediately I felt that comfort. Again, comfort not chemistry. During the dinner my sister asks him those kind of questions normally dad’s do:

  • What are your intentions with my sister?
  • My sister wants more kids, how many kids do you want?
  • You guys live kind of far away if things work out are you planning on moving here?
  • Do you want to get married someday ?

I laughed because honestly that’s how my family is. We are very honest and direct and aren’t afraid of asking ¬†questions. Derek ¬†took the grilling in stride and handled each answer very matter of fact. I could tell that he had really thought about a potential future with me.

The dinner (and interrogation) ended and we headed our separate ways. My sister and her kids in one car and Derek and I in another.

This meat might as well have been Derek (grilled and sauced) instead it is my buddy’s cooking… Yummy!


Now, this was a situation where I KNEW Derek should be the one for me. My mind was telling me yes and all signs pointed him being my forever guy! He knew it… why didn’t I?¬†¬†He was sensitive and always listened. He always remembered what I had to say and even bought me quarts of milk and pickles for when I come over to his house (my favorite drink and one of my fave snacks).

I wanted so bad to feel that spark with him. I tried to not want it (so it would just happen), I prayed for it (many, many, many nights) and even wanted to be his girlfriend hoping that title would change something¬†within¬†me. ¬†I hated that it wasn’t there for me and felt a little like a failure. Like seriously?! I’m not always the girl who likes the guy that is mean to her…I really don’t … but there are guys that are indifferent about me and I have felt more spark with them then him.

Now to everyone who thinks “Wow Jill is so mean! She lead this poor guy on” I need to be very clear, I¬†am honest¬†with the guys I date. There were numerous conversations about my feelings with Derek.They were really tough conversations for me and I kept trying to figure out when am I just being mean. At what point are the conversations too frequent, his feelings too strong, and my lack of feelings too much.

This drive to like him brought out the worst in my personality. I know this ¬†may sound counter intuitive to how I should be reacting but¬†I was not proud of it. I started to feel a lot of pressure (I put on myself) and started getting short with him and not enjoying his romantic gestures. I was not the person I wanted to be when I was with him. I felt it and while he said he didn’t see it that way… I knew the woman I can and have been.

So at the end of a month and half it was time and I had to end it. It was really tough because I felt I was making a huge mistake. In the back of my mind I thought if I held on long enough it would be there. But I knew in my heart it wouldn’t be and that the journey to get there wouldn’t be worth it.¬†After several months and periodic contact with Derek I’ve realized I made the right decision.

I know my future soulmate is out there… waiting in the shadows… kind of like a cat does… well a cat that is alive.