So getting the courage to write after my last blog post has been a lot tougher than I thought. It was a break from my normal writing style and a hard act to follow. I want to thank everyone who took the time to say lots of lovely things about that piece! I do have a book in me and I imagine it will be a lot about my life before dating (with some dating thrown in for good measure).
However, this blog is going to go back to my roots. From someone who was going to take some time off (me in the last blog), I have had some memorable things happen in my dating life the last couple of months!
First, I FINALLY got over Sean! I was so worried he was going to turn into another Jack situation (me being hung up on an ex for way too long). However, he recently created a TikTok account (his only social account) and has gained quite the following. This made it too easy for me to look into everything he was doing and subsequently not move on. His account is funny, smart and political. My favorite things about him!
Then while looking on this account over time, I noticed that one woman would write on his posts quite a bit. Then during one of his “Lives” this same woman came on and was marked as a “moderator”. (This means that he marked her as a person to delete others comments on his stream – aka a close connection).
Then the final straw was when he posted a duet Tok of one of her videos jokingly saying he was going to propose to her. The comments from his other followers were trying to “ship” him and this woman (make them into a relationship for anyone not familiar with that phrase). Sean then clicked like on these comments.
So I stopped liking Sean.
Also, yes I realize to anyone married for a while or male you’re thinking “psycho” to my level of detail here. I’m not going to deny it – you may be right.
But to most of my female friends who have been single sometime since the dawn of social media and had a man tell them he’s not ready for a relationship and leave you breadcrumbs to keep you around…
Then came a dude that I went on a couple of dates with from Match.com. I went on a total of 4 dates with him and it fizzled. There isn’t any good juicy tidbit or anecdotes there. It just was nice but eh… When he reached out about a month ago and asked to get coffee again, I didn’t reply. I had exceeded the Oprah Mag rule of 3 dates and didn’t feel a need to extend it any longer. Don’t worry the rest of this blog will be more exciting than the tale of those dates…
So my 1 month of Match.com was done, my dates with no name were over and I was done with dating. Online dating was getting me nowhere, the men that I was interested in were ending with not happy endings and all the while it was taking me a lot of time and effort to play the game. I was just TIRED and ready to be done…
And then Marc walked into my door….
Well not my actual door because that would be illegal.
One of my good girlfriends Jen, who was also swimming in the dating pool, sent me Marcs Bumble profile. She lived in a bigger city about an hour from me and knew I wouldn’t naturally run into him in my journey of swiping.
His profile was PERFECT for me.
He mentioned that he loved podcasts (I also love podcasts and even did one for over a year). He said that he was involved in the comedy scene (I’m the host of a kick ass improv group). He also said he enjoyed the art of conversation (I’m a huge talker of course!)
Plus, physically his pictures were completely my type! He had a nice beard and a killer smile! She absolutely knew what she was doing when sending me his stuff.
So I do some more internet stalking (yes, the same type of stalking that some of you judged me for above) and found his Facebook profile. I didn’t overthink it and sent him a direct message, or as the cool kids call it “slid into his DMs”.
Then I waited…
Waited some more…
And after a day or so deleted the message and forgot all about him.
The hopeful “I may have stalked you to find you because my friend sent me a screenshot of your profile” message was sent in September. December comes along and I get a new Direct Message from Marc. At first, honestly, I had no idea who he was… but the profile and pics quickly came to mind and I was pumped.
He said he initially was a little weirded out by my message but read MY BLOG (yep this one) and realized I was in the same spot with dating that he was.
From that point on he took the lead in both texting and then phone conversations. As a matter of fact, our first phone conversation was about 3 hours long. I realized he was insightful, could make me laugh and had strong opinions on things and could debate them passionately and respectfully. All my favorite traits in a convo!
We planned our first date to a restaurant in his area. I was actually nervous as I was driving, which doesn’t always happen. I wore jeans, tshirt and a cardigan. I even wore red lipstick! (Behind a mask up until the moment we sat down of course).
In meeting Marc, he was tall, charming and the conversation was natural in person. Also, more importantly to my ego, he found me funny. When he laughed his whole laugh filled the room. It’s like a hardy from the belly laugh and the rest of the restaurant probably thought I was hilarious! I loved it!
It was a really great first date and I was excited. We then went on a couple of other dates. I wasn’t sure what the outcome of our dates would be but I figured these were all bonus dates. I hadn’t planned on dating at all. There was no plan and no time table. Just a lot of laughs and some heated debates.
Then as Valentine’s Day was inching near Marc asked me my plans. Of course, I hadn’t made any because he hadn’t. He asked me to go with him to a wine night at a local Botanical place and made reservations to a place that was “kinda fancy” as he put it. I was really touched at his thoughtfulness. It has been a very long time since a man put that much effort into a romantic night out for me. It was sweet.
So now I’ll tell you why I ended things with Marc a couple days before our Valentine’s Day plans… most of you will strongly disagree with my reasons.
But I do have them…
First, Marc and I viewed several things very differently. Things like the tastiness of Applebee’s French onion soup (it’s delicious- he hates all things Applebee’s), whether his favorite band sounds like Mumford and Sons (they kind do in some of their songs), and even more serious things like religion and politics. All of those things I can navigate through and enjoyed the debates.
However, Marc also is a connoisseur of soft drugs (weed, psychedelics, mdma, etc) and this was our largest and most divisive view.
Now I know…
you guys all probably thought I was really cool and would be down with these type of things.
… Okay you probably weren’t.
I tried edibles twice in my life. I have seriously thought about weed to help my anxiety and don’t really hate the idea of it (in Ohio you need a medical card). I haven’t tried anything else though, except for one hit of a Marlboro on my back porch at 30 and an unfortunate hookah experience where I vomited the whole way home.
But, I don’t like being around smoke in general and often feel really nauseated if I’m around it too long. There was once a Ludacris concert that ended similarly to the hookah experience. Plus, my tolerance for people being in too much of an “altered state” of mind (alcohol or drug induced) can be directly correlated to the depth of our relationship or my worry for their safety. A man who I have been going on dates with for less than 6 months would get old real quick.
Marc and I discussed this at length. This wasn’t a moral debate, as I really didn’t care if he did it and I do understand that alcohol is worse in most scenarios. I knew my view was not common and that it stemmed from previous situations that I had been around that made me feel really uncomfortable. This was all in my head and emotions… but nonetheless it was there.
Most of our dating time was during Dry January, so while we discussed this topic it was pretty much a back of mind and what if scenario. I had said “if I’m around it I’ll just quietly leave the room”.
Then as February hit and Dry January ended, there became a couple of end of day recaps involving these things. I think my definition of once in a while and his differed. Again, this isn’t a moral thing. I see nothing wrong with it.
Two nights before I ended things, he and I were having a lengthy conversation and this came up. He was telling me stories about his best altered experiences and I realized how many settings this was a part of his life. I knew I would end up spending a lot of time “walking out of the room.”
This was my first indication it wasn’t going to work.
The second much more important thing that came out of the same conversation was even more of a… Nope.
Now let me preface this by saying, I have not found a single man with long hair where I find his hair attractive in a sexual way. I can appreciate nice hair in general though. In fact when my hair was longer, I’d wake up with it looking like Jason Momoa… and I hated it. (Sorry Jasper)
Marc has semi long hair with perfect curls. I know most women and men alike would LOVE them. They are amazing and I see the appeal! I just didn’t like the idea of them hanging over my head with him on top of me. But when I focused on Marc’s dimpled smile and perfect teeth I was good and could get passed them.
Then Marc told me the words I never wanted to hear….
Jill I found a new hairstyle I love!
Nope… nope… nope.
Here were now two more things that I’d have to leave the room for if they entered. I just couldn’t do it. His passion was so palpable with his new style that I also couldn’t crush his dreams.
So based on those room leaving reasons I ended it with Marc… two days before our Valentine’s Day romantic date.
For those of you who may be feeling sorry for Marc, since he was such a nice guy, don’t. He actually has a positive turn of events. He has since started talking to a woman he used to date. He was very happy in telling me about their reconnection.
I of course wish all four of them the best! Him, Her, righty and lefty bun ❤️😉