What Happened to Courting?

So before I was married I dated several guys in the Mormon church. As I wrote about in my previous blog , that was very much different than how I date now.  So I thought it was very surprising when I received a message on one of my dating sites from a Mormon guy I had chatted with before my ex-hubby.When I got the message I realized 2 things, 1 this guy had NO IDEA that he knew me and 2 he was no longer Mormon.

I immediately thought of the times where we hung out many years ago. I wouldn’t say that we had “officially” dated as there was no kiss or anything like that. However, that wasn’t that uncommon in my pre-marriage dating history. Jude* would walk me to my college classes, went out to dinner after class (he paid), drive together to parties and talk for hours in his car. I was beginning to think he was kind of cute. He even gave me a nice gift basket after I had been in a car accident with my favorite things in it. (Yes these kind of VERY thoughtful gestures and dates are common when dating Mormons… it is truly courting your future wife). This kind of courting  typically does not happen now in my dating life… I’ll say typically because things may be changing 😉


“So Jill why did this end?” You may ask.”It sounds perfect!” Well it ended when one week in church Jude decided to pass out flowers to all the girls in our church. Well I mean every girl…except for me.He even gave this new girl to the church a dozen flowers in front of me. When I talked to him later and said I I was confused and he pulled the friend card. I got it… I either misread the signs OR he was douche. Could go with either one to this day. After reading this blog you can make your own decision.

So, back to the present. I reply to his message about liking the Browns (ahh my love) and call him out about acting like he doesn’t know me. He immediately changes his tune and says that of course he knows me. I was so sweet… blah…blah…blah. In my head I’m thinking, dude do you even know who I am now?

So, eventually he does realize who I am and we start texting. This wasn’t a guy I was excited about meeting (after all the last time it did not end well…no matter the reason). But, I thought that I’d give him a chance and our text conversations were really engaging and it was nice talking to someone who knew me BD (before divorce).

So we agreed to meet at a local pizza place. It was his pick and I was excited to catch up with him. I dressed up and got ready for the pizza. I met him outside and gave an awkward hug. He looked older than he did 15 years ago… but then again I did too. He was still cute in a nerdy kind of way and definitely worth talking to.

So, we dove right into the conversation over beers (yes a big No No in our previous lives) and ordered pizza. We talked lightly about the past (not our past… like seriously whats up with the flowers?), our decisions about our religion, and then got into my past.I literally threw up my entire marriage and divorce history. Like all the nitty gritty details that typically you don’t go into on the first date or with most people. It was just a release. Everyone has the typical “uncoupling” message that you say to people. So it is nice to be able to sometimes tell  MY version of the truth. So basically it was a good conversation date. Spark? I’m not sure I’d say that. So after a while we talked about a second date.


At the end of the night, he walked me to my car and did the awkward hug again and left. A little while later he was texting me continuing our conversation. Again, great conversation but not sure about a spark.

So then one night while we were texting it happened. He sent me a pic of 2 quarts of ice cream. This is a reenactment of our actual text conversation (from my memory)

Jude: Hey do you like either of these ice creams?

Not actual picture

Me: I mean, yeah I guess I like the one on the left.

Jude: How about we make a trade?

Me: Hmm.. okay. I mean it’s not my fave…but for what?

Jude: How about for our second date, I bring over this ice cream and then you let me do my laundry at your house? We can hang out and watch a movie. (Is that code for Netflix and Chill?)

*There goes courting out the window*

Me: Umm… sure I guess. I mean yeah sure but I gotta go. Have a good night!

1 day later…

Me: Yeah I went on another date and really like him. (in the one date? not my best line). I’d like to see where things go. You seem like a nice guy and I wish you the best of luck in dating!


I’m not going to say that I really provided him the best feedback moment. I am normally pretty direct with people but I just felt really weird. Like really weird. I mean not only a Netflix and Chill invitation (which you get used to…kinda like What’s your fave hobby?) but then I need to do my laundry. I’m dating in my 30s, so I would like someone who has figured out their laundry situation. I’m cleaning up my dirty laundry… not worried about anyone else’s.


  1. Yeah, the laundry-thing was a major “Ummm…. nooooooo.” You’re not his mom, his maid, a laundromat, or even (really) his good-friend, from whom he could take advantage of “free”laundry. Douche-y move, Laundry Guy! (At least he tipped his hand early, that he hasn’t changed in 15 years.) Now, about this other guy who you went on a date with and really like: when do we get to hear about him…? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So I completely read that as him trying to think of an excuse to hang out at your house with you. Not sure if he really needed to do laundry or just really thought that was a clever “in”…


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