So as I stated in Part 1 of my “Jill won’t date you if” blog there are certain things that I’m on the look out for when finding my dream man. Some of these things are very serious and some are just lessons I’ve learned going through this great world of dating. I have now included my blog on all of my online dating profiles, so if you are reading this before messaging me (thank you) and good tips below.
So one day I’m sitting in the Kroger parking lot waiting to go in. One thing to know about me is I HATE grocery shopping. No seriously… get high anxiety when I walk in. So normally it takes me about 10 minutes of car snap and singing time to get the nerve up to go inside for 5 minutes. This is something I am actively working on and found that listening to non-edited rap music helps. I mean it’s such a rush hearing Drake, Luda, and Big Sean while smiling at old ladies. Also, then I can bob my head, sing along, and do dance moves. Seriously Kroger can be a club if you don’t worry about what people think.
Okay so I digress, I am sitting in the car snapping and singing and it starts sprinkling. I mean really light sprinkles. One of those rains that it is still questionable of whether or not things will get worse or just blow by. I look outside and see this guy bolting through the parking lot. Like full sprint… running a 100 yard dash… and I immediately knew…
We Can’t Date If…
You Run in the Rain
I literally rolled my eyes. I mean unless you are in a monsoon and there is threat of lightning or you have an allergy to water you should walk… no…strut that stuff. If you are running you are proving a couple things to me:
- You are unprepared- I mean if you are that afraid of getting wet you should have an umbrella. How would I expect you to help me plan our future family, 401k, house purchase if you can’t plan to bring an umbrella? The idea that you’re going to have a match, if we get lost during a family hike and get cold, just went out the window.
- You care way too much about your looks- I’m the kind of girl that will go grocery shopping with my earbuds and yoga pants (then I wonder why I never get hit on in the grocery story). If you are worried your hair will get wet because it will “ruin your look” I guarantee you’ll be spending more time getting ready then me… always.
- You are a little bit of a baby- Dude it’s rain.. man up and walk. We’re going to experience a lot more in life then a little rain (hell I do all the time) you can’t just stroll through rain you probably won’t be able to handle the real stuff that life throws.
You are Separated
When I was separated I completely refused to even entertain the thought of dating. I considered myself still married until the day of my divorce (even if my ex didn’t agree). So coming out into the dating world I went into it thinking it was morally wrong to date a guy who was separated. I’ll tell you that opinion changed over time when I learned all the various reasons why people separate but are not divorced (money being the main one). So during my dating history I did date a guy who was separated and began talking to many more not knowing they are separated.
I quickly found out that my gut instinct about dating a separated guy was correct but for a completely different reason. Divorce is COMPLETELY MESSY! There are so many feelings and logistics to plan that until you are fully divorced you are not really cut clean of your partner. Men jump right into dating. I mean dating is fun so why not hit it up early?! I’ll tell you why…You have to go through stuff. There are emotions associated with divorce and the idea that I’m your distraction from these doesn’t follow my end goal. I’m not a rebound… I’m a center.
You are looking for someone “Active”
So there is one more difference of me dating BD (Before Divorce) and AD (After Divorce)… about 50 lbs. My weight has always been something that I struggle to get comfortable with since when I was a teenager. To say I had “food issues” would be putting it lightly. I won’t characterize it but say that I definitely had some concerns eating. This is a conversation topic with my dad and my mom and is brought up in most conversations “Jill eat more broccoli” “Your thighs could feed a family of 4” “Jill there is no way you have lost 30 lbs” “Does he like bigger girls?”
So when I went back to dating I was so nervous. I was terrified that I would find a guy that had seen my pictures and then meet me and be grossed out. Now, I truly think that all women are beautiful, I just have this issue with myself. I think this is something that many women can So, my first rule was that any dating profile would have a full body shot. But, if I was doing the swiping, I would always swipe left on the guys that went to the gym or stated something about being active.
My opinion of this has slowly changed though. One of my first couple of dates was with a very hot and very fit 22 year old. Now, I thought he was 26 but found out later his true age. He heavily pursued me online and when I showed my girlfriends they said to go for it! I went into the date thinking “why would he like me?”… turns out that he did… a lot. But, I quickly realized there is no long term potential for a 22 year old hottie.
Since then I have dated several guys that are very active and attractive. These guys have never said anything about my activity level or anything negative about my body. The current guy I’m talking to (I promise he’ll be a future blog) says “Maybe you can watch Netflix… while I ride my bike” now there is a keeper.Starting to learn there is a lot more to me then my hot body 😉
You have a Cat
I mean can we all take a minute and say it is a little weird when you hear a single guy who has a cat? Unless that cat is truly badass it’s just I don’t know… not attractive. First, it’s an actual logistics issue. I have a kid that is allergic to cats so the idea you have to get rid of your cat when we get married is an awkward conversation. “No seriously Snookums has to go… to the pound or to the ‘farm'”. Second, the idea that a guy has a cat that just sits on his lap as he pets it brings up a different feeling in my stomach. Third, I have 2 dogs and they may try to eat your cat…. also a logistics issue.
So in conclusion… If you want to be my dream man than walk in the rain, be completely single, like Netflix and don’t own a cat. Seems pretty simple right? 😉