So turns out moving on isn’t quite as black and white as I thought. After my blog Jack* and I chatted quite a bit for a few weeks. We even had a night out to talk face to face… Let’s just say one of us had a couple too many drinks and spent an hour and half lecturing (PS it was me). 🙄🙄🙄

I am grateful for the moving on stage though. The month afterwards I was able to have many non pressured conversations with Jack to gain clarity. We both agreed to focus on eachother and not to seek “greener pastures” during this time. 

But after that extended “moving on” period we ended up in the same place. Me wanting something more and Jack not sure. My lesson learned in this relationship is… 

It doesn’t matter how much you love someone, how bright you see the future, or how much you want to stay with someone… If they don’t have the same end goals or aren’t ready, there will come a time when a decision needs to be made. There is risk with this. A risk I am grateful I took, even if it didn’t end up the way I had hoped.

So now I’m actually going to move on. So what does that mean for me?

Social Media: 

I’ve blocked Jack from all my social media sites. Not for the reason why you think though… It’s so I can’t view his stuff. I really don’t care if he looks at mine. The temptation to check in on him is too strong. I need to avoid the “gut punch” when I figure out a new girl is in his life. Even just seeing pictures of him or his kids makes me sad. So I must block on and off and block again….

I’ve also deleted pictures of us from my social media accounts. Dayum that man is hot! Plus we were a cute couple and I’m in love.. So not something I want to see when I’m looking at my friends new baby pictures.

Texting:

I’ve avoided every temptation to text or call Jack. This has been REALLY hard. I see stuff throughout the day that I think he’ll laugh at or like. So far I’ve not texted him for 3 days, 2 hours and 9, 10, or so seconds. (I’ve downloaded an app that shows me how long its been… I’m a nerd)

So, tonight  I had seen something at the grocery store that would be perfect for him…

I instantly go to take a picture to text him it…

I stop myself…

I put it in the cart to buy it for him… 

I think “I can drop it off for him and he’ll never know it was me.”

I realize that’s dumb because he’ll know it’s me…

I take it out of the cart…

I stand there for 2 minutes staring at it…

I leave it alone and call my sister to tell her that I avoided it…

She’s proud 👍🏻

This victory is bigger than some grocery item… 

Dating Sites: 

So in a move that even I know is bad judgment I reinstalled a dating app. I figured that it would help me realize there are other guys out there. My heart has been focused on Jack since May of last year.  So I needed to try to get it to move on.. 

The truth be told I  actually installed dating apps three times. 

First time, I felt guilty for even swiping. Got a match and deleted it.

Second time, I swiped left on almost everyone and then deleted it. I realized I wasnt ready. 

The third time and current situation, I have several messages waiting for me. Another reminder dating is completely different for men then women. I plan on answering them, tonight, wearing Jacks tshirt drinking out of his mug… It’s a process folks and one I’m not about to figure out anytime soon  😉