So I was so excited and renewed coming back from Disney! My perspective was clear and I was enjoying the cloud nine feeling.
While I was driving the llllooooonnnngggg way home I got a text from Jack*. It was an unprompted picture of a jar of jalapeño stuffed olives. I was shocked. I took a few minutes and I replied back. Before I knew it, we were a couple of hours texting and then the full day. He was contributing just as much as I was. During this he asked me when my next improv show because he wanted to see me. That day of texting felt like no time had passed at all and it made the drive time fly by.
I went to sleep early that morning and woke up feeling completely energized. I wouldn’t let myself go to “What does this mean?” or think about us being back together. Although, I’ll be honest, inspite of my feeble attempts the thoughts did creep in. Then I would smile and continue to clean and do laundry. You could have filmed me with a few birds helping me with socks and you would’ve thought I was still at Disney.
It was a Disney high mixed with a Jack boost.
Jack texted me that morning “Nice driving” and then silence. Yes silence. At first I took it as “Oh he’s busy” and then after a few days with no replies I realized… It is over. That revisited connection was just a moment. Nothing more. I can’t continue to think about him and think about what if. Clearly he still thinks of me and wanted to revisit our connection. But it was a realization that’s all it will end up being…a memory.
So I moved on. More than I have before. That feeling is really nice but I’m not going to say I’m not a little disappointed. As I said before, it is tough to to truly think someone was “the one” and be wrong.
So I have started picking up my online dating game and trying to put more effort in it. So far, no dates. I don’t know why but online dating has felt different lately. No real connections, some funny banter, and then disinterest. From me or them. It is a weird feeling but I’m trying to figure it out.
A few nights ago I saw the “high school crush” guy . It was a good chat. I felt like a sophomore about to pass a football style note.
I had said before the feeling is one sided, but having a hot friend is never a bad thing. Plus I like talking to him. I feel inspired and think about things differently. I trust his opinion. It was a great night then at the end turned odd. Not by him but just odd because of some circumstances. I don’t go into it because it is awkward and will give things away.
I was driving home that night and had a moment that I’m sure many single women and men have had. For a brief moment I thought about giving up on dating. I had a very rare moment of self pity. I’m more of a boot straps kind of woman.
Of course this feeling wasn’t because of this guy. We don’t know eachother like that. It was just the needle on top of a mountain that tips it over. I cried for about 5 minutes. Gave myself some pity tears and why me thoughts. Then I walked in my door, turned up music and sang in the kitchen.
I woke up this morning with a renewed hope. I listened to a great speaker about vision and goals last night. I’m going to take some time to reflect on how to become the best version of me. It is always an ongoing process 💜