You Spin My Head Right Round…

There are three things in my life that tell me I’m not in the right “head space”. My weight, my finances, and my sleep. I don’t know why my head shows itself there but it does and in a big way. (No pun intended… but still funny)

A couple weeks ago I’m laying in my bed, not wanting to move, checking my bank account and realize DAMN I am in trouble:

  • $3.00 in my bank
  • $18.36 available balance on my main credit card (I have another emergency one I don’t touch)
  • 208 on the scale
  • 13 hours sleeping that night… Still in bed

Yep,again I’m in trouble.

My anxiety levels were running high for several weeks and I couldn’t shake it. I was beyond irritated with everything and my normal chipper self was nowhere to be seen. I got asked if I was sick multiple times and one person even joked (after I mentioned my poor attitude) “You are a 6 on the B scale.”

That were joking… I laughed… because it was true.

Even when Easton* would visit or during our talks I would say “Sorry it is just my anxiety levels are through the roof.” He was always gentle and understanding. I really appreciate that about him and also made me feel worse. He was so nice and I was soo… not.

Then on weekends after the highs and lows of the week I would crash so hard. I fell asleep early and slept in late. Most of my free time (between naps) would be spent on Netflix. I found at least one thing each day that would get me out of the house. Some of those things would be my dates with Easton.

I didn’t have the energy… Not to clean… Not to go on a walk or hike… Certainly not to continually improve myself.

So here I was, laying down, realizing I’m not in a good place and having hardly any energy to do anything about it. I laid in bed for a while, got up to do a few chores, visited family and planned what I needed to do.

I knew I wasn’t in a good place and I knew to start I needed help.

So that next day (Monday), I had a follow up appointment with my doctor. The appointment was about the low dose of anxiety medicine I was taking and checking in. Oddly enough and ironic right?! Seriously I really think life has the best timing.

I told my doctor how I was feeling. I even started tearing up. I always end up crying in the doctors office. Is it just me?!

She asked about my exercise (since I had gained weight) and I told her about how I love yoga but it is hard to go. She told me something that really hit home

“Jill, you just need to go. You won’t want to. You will hate going out the door. But do it. It will get easier.”

It was with that (and my finances) where I realized I NEEDED to get back to ME. The person I was for a long time and the person that was inspired to do better.

So I walked out of the office feeling tired but also inspired. I made a few changes right away.

1. I prepped lunches for work that night. I could save on money and the fast food. The biggest win about packing a lunch is it gives me the ability to walk for 30 minutes after eating. I have a great walking partner so it is always fun.

2. I joined a small biggest loser group at work. It is just the three of us but we all encourage each other. Although our encouragement is something like

“Are you seriously getting another cupcake? We all need to be able to get on an elevator and not have to do math for the max capacity. Dude put it down.”

I wouldn’t say our group is for everyone.

3. I told Easton I needed time. This one was a bummer. I really enjoyed spending time with him, everyone agreed he’s amazing. I just wasn’t sure I was feeling it in a romantic way. I still am not sure if it was because of my head space or because he would just make a really good friend. He didn’t seem too sad about it and once again understood.

4. I stopped spending recklessly. No shopping online for the sake of shopping, ordering food delivery on a whim or buying new versions of things I didn’t need.

My income did not match a $3 bank account by any means. It was just poor decisions upon poor decisions. This of course didn’t happen in a few weeks but it was something I needed to change and quickly. There was ZERO excuse for it.

I needed to invest in my house, my family and my health.

5. I deleted all my dating apps. Dating apps can take up a lot of time. A lot of time that I could be doing something else. It is not that I’m anti dating now. Just that it would have to be with a guy that I meet in real life. Since my divorce that has happened 0 times. So I’m not sure it is the most effective dating strategy. I’ll be back on when I’m ready for sure.

6. I deleted social media apps for a bit. It didn’t mean I didn’t view them. I visited the sites once a day for a quick highlight reel. I’ve heard it said on social you compare the worst parts of you against the best moments of everyone else. I love the people I follow and I’m genuinely happy for them. It just can be tough when I’m not on the right place.

Plus I can spend a lot of time on social media. Again time I should devote elsewhere.

7. I made myself go to yoga. A Saturday morning class none the less. My sister told me to sign up for the class and then waited until I did. I loved getting back. Although I had to force myself to get up to go.

So today, several weeks later, I am slowly getting my mojo back. I cannot exercise as much as I would love to (I tore my calf muscle chasing my nieces).

But my head space by the numbers:

  • Alot more in my bank (enough for an emergency as needed)
  • Enough available on my credit card to use THAT credit card in an emergency
  • 203 on the scale
  • 10 hours sleeping last night
  • 1 new development in my dating life

Yep folks that was from Jack*, THE JACK after a few days of texting. I think we all know how I felt reading that.

The question is what did he mean?!

The story continues 😉

I’m writing outside! That’s a big win ❤️

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