So I was talking with Easton* about how I was long overdue for my follow up blog.
He (being an avid reader) said “Wouldn’t it be hilarious if you wrote a scathing blog about our second date? Told everyone how I painted like a child and wouldn’t talk to anyone.”
We both laughed. It would be funny because we’ve had many dates since that first date and all of them have been really good.
The second date was one of those wine and painting activities. I had found one that was painting wine bottles into Starry Night. I love those classes and always love turning it into something that is perfect for me. Mine ended up being a night time woodland forest scene with animals for my nieces.
He did a wonderful abstract version of the Starry Night scene. More like high school and less like elementary school. He also did the perfect amount of chatting.
We have had other great dates too. We hiked in 95 degree weather. Total sweatfest for the day and we were both pouring sea water from our folds. Nothing grosser and more personal than giving a hug when both people are sweaty from something other than sex.
Plus dinner dates are always hours spent at a table having insightful conversations and new learning a lot. He’s very smart and can discuss a lot of topics very thoroughly.
Great dates and great guy.
The one thing that I will tell you there is something different about this time of dating. That difference is me.
Typically by date six I am wondering:
- Where are we going?
- What are we doing?
- Who else are you dating?
- How do I fit in with those women?
- Am I number 1 on his list?
- Could I marry this guy?
And most of all….
Is he THE ONE?
All completely unrealistic questions to feel like I have solved by a few months in. I have experienced the feeling of thinking he’s “the one” on a first date. Then all the ups and downs of trying to train yourself that he’s not. So I purposefully have learned that I cannot go there.
Instead this round my anxiety with Easton is things like:
- You’re really sure that you are okay with me dating other people?
- Will you get mad if we end up moving on if I do date someone else during this time?
- You’re not at the place where we need to move to the next level, right? I’m not there and need to make sure you aren’t either.
I have realized I’m just not ready to date exclusively at all right now. I reserve the right to change my mind tomorrow, of course. But I still have things I’m working through and honestly I really enjoy where we are.
When I panic and ask him the questions above he just says calmly and says “We are completely on the same page. I understand anxiety and realize you may ask me multiple times. That’s okay. I can answer.”
That answer calms me down immediately. The way he answers and the follow up context is with such compassion and understanding it helps me remember how kind people can be.
A few weeks ago Easton and I had a date planned where he was going to come to my house to pick me up. Instead of just kind of getting ready… I spent the hour putting on make up and doing my hair. Then I was cleaning the house in a hurry. Although he had already seen the messy version before. He didn’t even notice.
As I was busy and in a fury of activity I stopped and thought “Oh I’m digging this guy. I actually care what he thinks.”
Of course this was the date after the sweaty date where I looked just lovely… Sarcasm. That may have been part of it.
So for right now I’m going on dates with Easton. But I am still talking to other guys and will go on other dates with other guys. I of course will tell you guys all about them.
I figure I’ll know when the time is right for me with Easton or someone else to make that move to next. For now I’m just enjoying the adventure.