I know it’s been a very long time since I have written….
Based on my last post, I’m sure you can understand why. My mother battled lung cancer for five very long, busy and emotional months before she passed in the end of July. I am still processing this and am not at a place to write about that story or about my Mom. But, I REALLY miss writing and my dating life reminds me of happier times (even though it has mostly been nonexistent during the past six months).
When I was visiting my Better Help therapist, a welcome respite was when we would chat about my dating life. In the context of the rest of the things I have been facing this was a lot of fun! It was just pure self improvement.
My biggest concern was that I was attracted to the men that are only half interested in dating me and turned off by the ones who were completely interested. It bothered me.
“What is wrong with me?” I asked her.
Together we went through each man I had dated in the last several years. I explained why each one ended, who ended it, and any interesting and juicy details. Think double man buns, high pitch voice, and guys that were assholes (Jack).
She gave me homework… this is homework I had started before but this was shorter and more to the point. Also apparently 10 rules or commandments seems to be a magical number
The 10 MUST HAVES FOR Dating Jill
- Must love dogs (and now cats) – I think I can now consider myself a low key animal hoarder. I have a total of 3 dogs and 1 cat. Each one of these pets were regifts to my family. Two of my dogs hate one another (actual fighting), two can’t be let out together or they think they are Homeward Bound exploring the neighborhood and my cat is my makeshift baby since my daughter went to college (yes also recently – it’s been a tough couple of months). If you don’t love animals – my life will be too much for you!
- Must have a career and is financially stable – I am a boss bitch. I love what I do, passionate about my days, and take care of my own bills. I am not concerned with how much my partner makes, only that they enjoy what they do and can handle their own.
- Must think of others – I want a man who offers to help carry groceries, opens doors and pays attention to those around him with a smile and hello!
- Must be protective – Dang! I love a guy who is quietly confident! An example of this where a man hit it out of the ballpark, was with Sean. The very first night I met Sean, he and I were leaving and there was a jerk yelling outside. We both walked by this guy and said our goodbyes. He walked towards his car and me to mine. When I was walking away I could hear the man turned his attention to a woman outside. I immediately turned around and started walking back. I am not a fighter, but also am not a bystander. As I got to the screamer, I see Sean in his car pulling up behind me, he was watching to make sure I got to my car. He got out and stood right next to me. He didn’t say anything…. he didn’t need to…. I got the guy to walk to his car (with his sober friend) by quietly /sternly saying things like “Why are you yelling sir? There are people around us sleeping and this is too much at 2am.”
- Must be funny and think I’m funny – Not to brag but I’m the funniest person I know. I make myself laugh more than anyone else. My life partner will come in second place, humor is my love language.
- Must be consistent – He must mean what he says and do what he says he will. I have enough anxieties with dating to be worried about whether I will hear from a man and if not, why not. He should be consistent as possible in what he does.
- Must be emotionally strong – I am not a crier. It’s something I’m working on. I also feel very uncomfortable when men cry around me. I once dated a guy where everything was the end of the world, a bad day, and he shed more than a couple of tears. It was too much. It’s my issue and I know not the healthiest. I also know that this not going to be fixed soon.
- Must not smoke – I just lost my mom to lung cancer. I just can’t.
- Can talk sports– If humor is my first love language then talking or listening to sports talk is my second. A man who knows football (especially NFL) is so damn sexy to me! If he will also watch sports documentaries with me, I will marry him on the spot.
- Must make family a priority – Family is everything. This does not necessarily mean his family by blood (although I have some of the best) but also the family he has chosen. My future husband will consistently prioritize his family, including me ♥