During my separation, my kid and I decided to go to WalMart. Now I’m not a big fan of that place but for some reason (I cannot remember why)  we decided we had to go there to get something. As we were walking in, there was a guy walking out with his girlfriend. They were holding hands, carrying a shopping bag and talking. As they were almost approaching the automatic doors to the front he stopped suddenly and did a double take. At first I was unsure what he was stopping for, but, when he put his hands in his pockets… I knew. He was stopping at the CLAW MACHINE. It was then that I realized my first dating No No…

We Can’t Date If… 

You Do a Double Take by the Claw Machine

Now I get the appeal… I’m going to win a high quality, made in the USA, stuffed animal that cannot possibly be purchased inside the store I just left. But, I think these machines are put into place to entice children not grown men who could be saving those quarters and spending their time elsewhere.

For the rest of the shopping trip, my child and I continued to talk about more of my We Can’t Date If… These things are important factors to consider when determining my soul mate.

You Cry more than I Do

I’m all about a guy having emotions. I think it’s sweet when a guy gets a little eye sweat when going through a major life event, wedding vows (dude better be crying when marrying me) or when he sees a VERY sad part of a movie. (hopefully involving a love story)… However, if you’re crying at the dog and Budweiser Clydesdale commercial you and I are not a good match or if you tear up “Everytime” you see this one movie, you’re not for me.

If you are a guy and prone to eye allergies feel free to take this tip from me.If you feel those eyes start to well think this.. “Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down… I’d like to take a moment just sit right there… I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air.” Works everytime!

You are a Certain Football Fan 

Now I’m an avid Browns fan! Oh I hear the heckles from a mile away (Do you always cheer for losers? Sorry for your loss! They suck!) Don’t care I was born and raised and my kids (current and future) will be raised accordingly. I often think about this. I can date most religions (and have quite a few) and any race. But, if you are a fan of a certain team you’re not even in the running. Well I say that with one caveat, as long as they still have their current quarterback.

I need to feel comfortable in my own home. So, if I’m checking behind my back each time I go to the restroom the only zone you’re getting into is the Friend Zone.

You Smoke (anything)

One time when I was 13, my best friend at the time smoked. Even as a little Mormon girl I never thought it was bad, but when she tried to pressure me to do it I said No. It wasn’t even an option for me.

At the age of 28, I was hanging outside with a few guys and they were smoking a regular cigarette. The guys kept asking me to try it and I tried one puff and hated it.

Finally, I went to a Hookah bar with the “cool group” and tried it for about a half an hour. Thought I’d enjoy it. Vomited on the way home.

Believe it or not, this has been a point of hot contention between me and a few of my potential suitors. This is not a debate about legalization or anything else. I’m actually all about personal liberties. This is truly just a preference I have that I’m not willing to give on.

You Get Embarrassed Easily

Now I say this because I’ll admit it… I’m too much. I really don’t see an issue with singing Christmas Carols down the grocery aisle (normally during the Holiday season) or busting out dance moves when the local Steak-N-Shake has Janet Jackson’s Escapade on. As a matter of fact, if your shoulders don’t do a little shrugging I’m questioning your ability to feel the groove,