As you all know these past few months have been difficult for me. A lot of tears and even more cloudy days. I’ve been from feeling like my heart is literally outside my chest exposed to it being locked away. 

So in during of my sadder nights, I was reading an article online and it mentioned an app specifically for break ups, Mend. 

I’ve felt stuck in the last month in a crazy cycle. So I thought  “What the hell?!” and downloaded the app.

The app starts with a list of questions presented like a chat. (It made answering them a lot more fun!) After I answered the getting to know you questions it gave me my first lesson. A soothing woman’s voice talked about 3 minutes about breakups in general.

It was very enlightening and I was hooked. After the lesson it gave me a journal page and topic. It was nice to write everything I was thinking and feeling. I was excited for the next days lesson. 

The next day the topic was about “Letting Go”. 

Below was my journal entry after the lesson about the word “Why?” (this is my actual entry so not perfected by any means):

I thought about this idea all day. I mean really all day. How can I let the idea go if my gut is saying don’t?

When I first learned to drive, my dad would tell me “Jill if the car breaks down on the road don’t be afraid to let someone help you. Don’t be the woman that hides in the car. Trust your gut and you’ll be fine.” 

He has always believed in my intuition and had taught me to believe in it too.  I have always believed in my gut 100% without question. I know this is the main reason why I’ve struggled so hard with this break up. 

However, after a couple of days thinking about how I can let go, I’ve come to two conclusions.

1. I may be wrong
2. I have done all I can do. I have no more words, ideas or memes to send. I don’t even have a desire to send anything. (I haven’t got a reply in over 3 weeks so that helps)

This doesn’t mean that I don’t still love Jack or think we will end up together. All it means is that I’m giving up the idea I have any control over it. This is up to fate now. I will either be wrong and find the love of my life or Jack will contact me and be willing to be all in. Only time will tell. 

In the meantime, I’m moving on…actually  moving on. So far, I’ve chatted with a few cute guys with thoughtful and humorous replies.  I’m going to take my time and am in no rush. I deserve a great guy and am willing to put the work in to find him. Plus I can’t wait to tell you all about him and the misses along the way 😉