Your card or mine?

So I’m going to be heading back into the dating world and got thinking back to the basics.  These things I honestly didn’t think I would have to worry about again… But here I am. Now this may be something that you may disagree with me on and people tend to have strong feelings about…but let me tell you my thoughts.

Who should pay for a date?

Before I dated Jack (furthermore the time noted as BJ), I went on a date with a guy named James*. James was good looking, smart and pretty nice.  He didn’t text much but wanted to meet. I looked him up on Facebook and decided “sure why not?” 

At the time I was head over heels for Jack but it was during my confusing just friends stage so I was still out there trying to date. (I will not date until I’m ready this time).

So we met at a local bar close to my house. He was good looking in person but a little awkward. We started off with small chat and a drink. The conversation was slow but when we found out we both love the same morning show the conversation started rolling. I was laughing so hard talking about the show I was tearing up. 

We then moved on to other shallow topics. When the topic of my blog came up the mood shifted quickly. Then as his drinks continued to climb his attitude plummeted…  We all know that guy 🙄

So about an hour and a half in and for him a six pack drank…  the sweet release of the bill comes. I immediately told the waitress “This will be two checks.” 

The guy then rolled his eyes and did the silent treatment with me. Seriously, like a third grader. I think the waitress had to go to Europe to split the check. 

This leads me to my first guideline:

If I know that I am not interested in a second date I will pay for myself.

Dating is tough enough for men. They are typically always the first message, asking for the date and are typically expected to pay. Dating is expensive and I don’t need to take away from their budget just to see if we are compatible.

However, if there is going to be a second date I always offer but do not insist. I will have a chance to get them back on the next date. It’s give and take at that point.

If I know that they will not let me pay for myself I keep it cheap. 

You can typically tell if a guy is old fashioned. The guy that is super nice but when you meet there is no spark. The guy that you know immediately “he’d make a great friend.” Not the goal of most dates. 

So in this case I keep my bill very cheap. I’ll go for a cup of soup and maybe a soda. I don’t want to fight about the bill or make it too awkward but also don’t want to take advantage. 

I never go to a place on a first date that is outside of my budget.

This is to prepare myself for the above situation. A first date is about getting to know a guy. Save the big moves for a future special woman in your life. That’s not me… on date one. 

Also, there may come a date where a wallet is forgotten or something. If that happens I don’t want my budget to be blown or me to have to wash dishes in the back.

Last note:

Finally, for the woman that use well intentioned men for a “free meal.” I have one piece of advice that someone should have told you a long time ago. Your mere presence is not worth an Outback steak house dinner with a drink and appetizer. I know your type “Yes, I’ll take the baked potato loaded. I mean really go big or go home!” 🤷🏻‍♀️

My advice in that situation is to go home and stay there…

A little statistic that shows me hope I may not be in the minority 😉


  1. I have been thinking a lot about this topic recently, and it actually came up with my date last night. I automatically expect to split the bill. Always have. I don’t date to get free meals or drinks!

    I always appreciate it when the guy insists… but honestly that doesn’t happen very often in these parts.

    I actually know women who believe the man should always pay. One told me, “Hey, they’re getting the pleasure of your company – of course they should pay!” Granted, this woman hasn’t been single in about 20 years…..

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.