Finding the one…

The last blog, the video blog, originally started out as a Facebook live. I sometimes like to do those. I think they are “typically” pretty fun. I say typically because the last one I obviously teared up… not my usual or my desired result. Turns out I’m human.. oh well!

So as I am doing the video, live, my sister is commenting…

Jill he’s right in front of your face.

Jill you already found him.

I didn’t react to the message or any others as I thought I’d post it on my blog. Plus I wasn’t really sure what she was talking about. After the video I called her.

She answered and said “Jill! I really think your guy is Kevin! I mean you guys are still friends, you keep running into him and he’s there when you need him.”

Honestly I laughed and paused. I HAD ran into him twice that week (once with his parents and on one of his first dates – she was okay but “She’s No Jill” according to him). We WERE hanging out together with friends in a few days. The only guy I have actively dated that I’m still friends with. Plus, I had called him when I needed a ride to the hospital and showed up and drove me home… without complaint and a smiling helping hand.

Had I missed something that could be a “Luke and Lorelei” relationship in the making?

I spent the next couple of days thinking about what my sister said and how I felt about it. My sister knows me better than anyone else and wants the best for me. I had to give it a serious thought. It was also nice to have a welcome break of the normal Jack is the one thoughts that I still fight. (Yes yes I know!)

It was a stress free next few days. I liked the idea of having a guy to maybe like. Plus he was someone I knew had a good heart and I felt safe with.

I went out with my girlfriend that Friday night to a night of free drinks. This ended with several phone calls to Kevin that I can only remember bits and pieces. Very little of bits and pieces. Kevin later tells me that what I said he will take “to the grave.” I appreciate this. He knows I’ll be so embarrassed and may act weird.

The next day, is the night of the friend hang out with Kevin. He is really nice when I call in the morning to apologize for the multiple calls and texts. He assures me we are still on, gives me the “I’m never telling speech” and we make plans.

That night I’m going to be the designated driver. I had a fall from the night before that left scrapes on my face and a feeling of drinking regret from the night before – short lived of course.

So I pick up all the friends and we head out. Kevin and I mistakenly dress in what could be considered “goes well together” costumes. I am excited to see him but I always am. He’s my friend, funny and I enjoy spending time with him.

We spend the beginning of the night walking around as a group. We are not really walking right together but as a group. He’s avoiding the topic of the night before conversation and we make a few jokes.

After a little while he runs into friends he hasn’t seen in a while and hangs back. He is concerned about my feelings about him hanging back. But to be honest it was nice to hang out with my girlfriends.

The ladies and I bust out dance moves on the dance floor. We make friends with some randoms. My one friend even got hit on pretty hardcore, by another woman. It was a fun night.

I stopped in to check Kevin out and see how’s he doing and if he wanted to dance. He wanted to stay and before I walked away he said “I love ya Jill”. I would love to say it was a swoon moment as he was the first guy I had ever dated that has really said that to me, even in a friendly way.

I went back outside to my girlfriends and told them what happened and what my sister said. My one bestie said “oh my gosh Jill! I think he’s the one too!” We had a squeal moment.

The other girlfriend “Yes but are you in love with him Jill?”

I replied with “I don’t know. I hadn’t given it much thought before a few days ago.” Not a promising reply.

We all decide to go back inside with Kevin. There was now some kind of mystery and magic in the night I wanted to bask in.

As we were about to leave Kevin and I stopped to talk at the top of the stairs, by a really romantic bar bathroom. While talking Kevin and I almost kissed. He leaned in a bit… I leaned in a bit and I felt our noses touch. My heart did a flutter.

It was at this moment he pulled away and said “No! No Jill” and started walking down the stairs. He said it in a voice reminiscent of me when my dogs are about to shit on the carpet.

He proceeded to talk loudly as he descended down the stairs.”We have already done this and we are not doing this again!”

I was a little taken back. I was very quickly brought back to the reality and no longer in the magic. I laughed and said “Okay Kevin” with an eye roll.

That night he did end up sleeping in my bed. However, it was after a bout of cuddling… him with my toilet. Then the next morning I drove him home.

We talked a few days later when I was grounded after the night of hope. He told me there was a “95% chance of us never dating again.” He didn’t want that with me.

I had already come to some conclusions on my own. I realized while he was amazing when we dated, was a killer friend… he was also the guy that likes to date. He’s not ready to settle down and had made it clear before not with me. He sometimes drives me nuts when we go out. I actually like to take over his dating accounts to actually help him score dates. I don’t know if having a few days where I think “Oh maybe” really constitutes a long lasting desire.

While I loved the romantic idea of having the one right under my nose it is not him…. at least I know not right now. I am trying to stop thinking I know who that one may be. It helps me to keep moving on… oddly enough not from Kevin. ❤️

Side note: My sister’s reaction to the night and Kevin and my conversation? “Oh shooty! Guess he’s not the one. Bye Felicia.”

*Correction to my sister’s reaction. She posted this under my blog for her feelings:

I think he still might be…timing isn’t the best but I’m certain there’s something there that keeps getting pushed under the rug…just saying!

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