A Decade Full of Lessons… 2019-2020

2019 The Year of Friendship

This past year my dating life was DEAD. I think I had a total of maybe 3 dates ALL YEAR. I’m sure there were more lightning strikes on a running buffalo then me on a date. I even went OVER A YEAR without a kiss from a guy! I would say the entire 2019 but I was telling one of my friends this and another one of my friends planted a peck right on my whole smackers!

I had several chances of restarting my love life in 2019. I tried to get back on the dating sites more than once and of course everyone remembers my speed dating event. However, this was the year I just wouldn’t put in the effort needed to really give online dating a chance. I would get on the site, find matches, start to chat and then silence. I honestly think the lessons from 2017 & 2018 just wore me out.

I needed the year to recoup… the year to spend time with my fave friends. There was a lot of girls nights out, nights celebrating birthdays and long phone calls with my faves. They taught me a lot about myself and what I want.


One of the biggest lessons I learned was the case for settling. My girlfriend read the book (in the link) and I had a similar ah ha while talking with my friends in the podcast. It was one of those great moments when two friends have the same ah has at the same time.

The ah ha came one night when I was hanging out with Kevin*. We had gone to dinner together and we talked about our plans that evening. He was going to pick up his kids and I was heading to to a local bar. I mentioned how I was planning on getting an Uber and he offered to take me to save money. I was really grateful for the money save and getting to spend extra time with my buddy!

As we were pulling out (after I got my dancing /drinking clothes on), he stopped at the trash can at the end of my driveway.

I know this may seem weird but I keep my trash can at the end of my driveway. I don’t really see a reason why I should bring it in just to take it back out. I get extra steps walking to the trash can and will NEVER forget to take it to the road to get collected. It’s a win / win.

Anyway as we were pulling out he slowed down next to the cans and said:

I was going to bring up your cans, but I figured that you would probably have a reason for keeping them at the end of the driveway on a Friday.

It was an AH HA…. yep that one line.

I was so focused on my long list for my future partner that I forgot about what actually matters.

The things I really want from a guy break down into 5 things:

  1. Thoughtful
  2. Loyal
  3. Honest
  4. Can make me laugh / laughs with me
  5. Chemistry

2020 Renewed Focus and Hope

This year I am so excited to get back out there! I mean really get out there. I have downloaded the dating apps, made a bigger effort in my appearance while doing errands, and messaged all potential matches with thoughtful messages.

Most importantly I’m focusing on bettering myself. I am trying to do better on my budget and my diet. It’s been really hard and I’m only 2 weeks in. It will be a continued struggle but I have little goals that will continue to point me in the right direction.

In 2020, I will focus on the characteristics in a guy that really matter. I’m not looking for a guy that will bring me roses or take me to fancy dinners.. In fact I’m not looking at all.  I’m going to know this time when the kind of guy shows up that realizes that my trash cans are at the end of the driveway… and knows me well enough to know there is a reason why.


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