Thank you so much for the donations to my fundraiser for American Cancer Society! We have already raised almost $200 toward resources to help assist cancer patients and their families.Whether you donate money, time, or just a kind gesture of help to those around you, I will consider this challenge a success. ❤️

As I left off in the last blog, Neil had just woken up from a nap (again he took this nap after putting on a show he knew I didn’t like) and had offered to drive me home. We were pulling out of his driveway and making the first turn….

The turn was a right hand turn off of his OWN street and Neil veered his car into the LEFT side of the grassy divide…

“Uhhhhh…we are on the wrong side of the road…”

Neil jerks the wheel to the correct side of the road at the next grassy break. “Oh Sorry, I’m paying attention now”

“Hey, I really don’t mind taking an Uber”

“It’s fine, I just woke up. I just needed a minute”

I took him at his word but now was VERY aware of his driving. It wasn’t like I wasn’t before, but there is a difference between passenger Princess and may wreck Wendy. As he continues down the road his car is jerking left and right but luckily staying in the lane.

“Dude, is there something wrong with your tire? You are legit going back and forth.”

“Oh, that’s all me baby”

“I don’t think that’s the flex you think it is. Why don’t I drive?”

“No, I got it” (firmly said like the hand hold from the festival)

It was at this moment I am perplexed. I had seen him drink maybe a total of 3 drinks over 5 hours and at this point we were several minutes into the drive so he couldn’t still be sleepy. I had the same amount to drink as him and I felt beyond sober. So I thought, maybe I hadn’t noticed the jerking of his car before because I was chatting so much. This ride was quiet.

Then I see him come to a light..

“Neil, that’s a RED LIGHT!”

Neil drives right through it completely unaware.

“Okay Neil, why don’t you just let me drive?”

“I told you I’m fine” then he starts laughing,

He looked at me and I knew he wasn’t okay to drive but also he was joking in a weird kind of firm way.

Now I know what I did next could be considered questionable and I also know that many people KNOW what they would do in that situation…

I decided to go into FULL DRIVER INSTRUCTOR mode… which he followed.

“Okay now we are going to make a left at that light up there. Why don’t you go ahead and start slowing down?”

“The light is green and the traffic looks clear let’s go ahead and turn now”

“Are you going to tell me how to drive the rest of the way?”

“Based on the driving so far… yes. Now, lets slow down behind the car ahead of us…. Great job!”

We arrive safely in my driveway and I was now in another weird situation. I told him that I didn’t think it was a good idea for him to drive home. It wouldn’t be safe on the road and I would feel horrible if anyone was hurt. So I offered to get him an Uber or he was welcome to stay at my house (it was after midnight at that point). Of course, he said he would stay over.

We went inside my house and I realized that we hadn’t eaten since the festival, we never ordered in between all the tv show / documentary action. I offered to make him and I some eggs.

So I told him to sit down, it was my kitchen and I’ll make the eggs.

Have you ever taught a puppy to sit and stay? At first it’s a big accomplishment that you got the puppy to sit and you celebrate! Yay! Good sit! Then you add the stay command. At first they stay for 2 seconds and you celebrate with a treat! Then you start to increase the time frame slowly by repeating Stay multiple times as they fight the urge to come towards you. They eventually get better with time. This was Neil.

At this point I was VERY hungry and honestly annoyed. So I started making some basic scrambled eggs. I stood by the stove while he sat in my kitchen chair and I kept repeating to him the words Stay and Sit Down. He did it as long as I stopped him mid trying to get up to “help”.

Then I made a CRUCIAL mistake… I had to go to the other room to get my dog and left the eggs I just cracked unattended on the stove.

“Neil, I’m going to walk away for just one minute” (making a one with my fingers) “Just stay right there… do not get up”

I came back and the still VERY wet eggs were now ALL dumped on the plate that I had pulled out. All of the eggs, not just his part.

“This is how I like them Jill”

“With Salmonella?”

“Here take a bite”

“Yeah…No.”

Neil finished his ENTIRE plate of egg yolks and whatever the white part of the eggs are called and it was time to go to bed. I told him he could sleep in my bed with me (I only have a loveseat and I wasn’t going to let him stay in my daughter’s room – who is in college). But I was very clear, “Nothing is going to happen. Just sleeping.”

I slept in my bra, sweatpants and tshirt…. I could have gone to Target in my look… and he went down to his boxers. Now I know what you’re thinking, bad idea Jill, but honestly he fell asleep almost instantly and I stayed wide awake almost all night. My dogs DID NOT trust him so they also stayed awake and by my bed next to me.

You can imagine my relief when the next morning the sun is rising and Neil is ready to go home! We have a few pleasantries, make some jokes about the night before, and he looks as if he is ready to go. I again make a CRUCIAL mistake go to grab him water.

I came back to my room and there was Neil butt naked, sitting on my bed, with his feet pointing behind him in a w shape and his penis out for a whole display.

“Neil, what the hell dude?!?”

“What? I’m a pervert!” he says sing songy shaking his shoulders.

He then proceeds to try to whip his penis around like a baby elephant who just learned he had a trunk.

I did NOT take the bait and he left VERY shortly after…