Ticket for 1 on the Crazy Train please…

So I know it has been a while since my last blog. To be honest I have been overwhelmed with a lot of things and trying to do one thing at a time has resulted in very little results. This blog is the one export thing that is only for me and my sanity, so it tends to go on the back burner. Something I am not proud of and because writing is my favorite passion I need to make it a higher priority… so here we go!

A lot has happened since I have last written. Sean and I had this weird back and forth thing. It reminded me of that awkward time with Jack, when we were “just friends” but both wanted more but were holding back. Only this time, I knew that this wasn’t something that I could convince him to do. The hesitancy was on his part and he truly believe that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I backed out (for a while) but the connection was still there.

I convinced myself that I needed to move on from Sean (even if it was forced) and go on dates. I went back on the sites and had two dates scheduled in the first weekend! Yes went from nothing to BOOM! I was feeling PUMPED…

My date on that Friday night was okay. Yes that is not a throw away word… it was just eh… okay.

We went to a Mexican restaurant for drinks and had a lively dinner conversation around all the societal taboo things. We debated and discussed Obama, Black Lives Matter and current politics. While he didn’t exactly agree he was smart, engaging and was a good debater. All things I am looking for in my match.

However, when we got to the parking lot the conversation turned into a big turn off. At one point he joked that I was just dating for stories for my podcast / blog and free meals. This was after I told him I am trying to get back out in the dating scene while trying to move on. I know… I know… this isn’t the best lead or first date conversation. I was in a weird spot and for some reason thought I needed to be extremely honest. Of course, it wasn’t a good call and then his reaction (while he were believed to be accurate or not) left me with a bad taste in my mouth and an “eh” desire to go on a date with him again.

So then came my date on that Saturday and….

To keep things simple (because I’m telling you this is crazy), I’m going to put things into a small timeline to assist with the craziness… Please put on your helmets and take off your judgments because they need to be left at the door.

THE FIRST DATE

Ed and I agreed to meet at a local sports bar / tiki bar hang out halfway between us. We live about an hour away, so it was about a 30 minute drive for both of us. He got there before me so it was so nice to get a sneak peek of him and he was HOT. I was very happy when I seen him and luckily he seemed to have the same reaction.

A little bit about Ed, he is recently separated and is still figuring out his life outside of his marriage. His wife has moved on and is living with another guy (so I don’t feel like a home-wrecker).

Although I have dated a separated man before and I find it a rule not to date for a good time after a divorce. However, I’ll be honest Ed is so good looking and check marks so many of the items on my list that I decided to go for it and just take it slow.

The conversation FLEW by throughout the afternoon. He had chosen a place he had bartended at several years ago and I teased him about all the people that stopped by to say Hi. He seemed like a local favorite and the owner kept stopping by to continue the conversation. It was just hilarious. He was always proud to introduce me and brought the attention back to where we were at in the convo while being polite with the stops.

After like 6 hours of talking at the table, we went to the parking lot and then finally to his truck to listen to music and chat. I think the truck part was my favorite! He had pretty much the same playlist I did! It was a mixture of new rap, country and rock. I knew EVERY SONG and each song was a banger! We danced and sang along while stopping and talking.

In it’s entirety the date was 8 and half hours long and felt like maybe 2. It was amazing! We didn’t kiss but I had wished we did. I knew though the next date would be a kissing marathon (little did I know).

I left the date excited to not only not think about Sean but also to think there is hope again. I don’t know about all of you, but each time a relationship ends I feel an uncertainty about my future in love.

PSYCHIC READING

I had booked a reading with a psychic that was highly recommended by one of my good friends. He had loved his reading and she had told him very accurate things about his life and future. She had predicted things that would have been difficult to know. So I, being on the fence, decided to book one for myself.

The reading started out strong. Her first question to me was “Why are you so hard on yourself?”

Then it went into work, my daughter and then finally my love life. I asked her about Sean and Ed because they were both on my mind. I sent her photos (to help her get the vibes of them) and then waited anxiously on the reply!

She started out with Ed and said that he was going to get lazy real early on in the relationship and that I would end up doing most of the work.

Then she moved on to Sean and asked me if I would want to get back with him… I told her yes. Even though the date with Ed was amazing it was hard at the time to minimize my feelings for Sean. I really felt comfortable with him and though it was the end of searching. I may be more of a romantic than I thought. 🤍

She told me that Sean still thought about me a lot, was able to pinpoint the exact reason for the end, and then said that she thought we would get back together. She asked that I ask him to reach out to him and see if he will do a reading. She needed to talk to him and knew if she did we would end up together.

It was then that the reading got really intense, she went back to Ed. She got really serious and said that I needed to run from Ed. She said that he was a danger to myself and my family and that my spirit guides were telling me HELL NO and blocking his energy from mine. She then started pulling Tarot cards and they were one bad sounding one after another. It started with the Devil card. Now I know nothing about Tarot cards but I was scared.

I went on a walk with my girlfriends right afterwards and chatted about the reading. They knew how much I was excited about Ed and trying to move on from Sean and the psychic was telling me to do the opposite.

I was so panicked that I decided to do as the psychic said and to run!

I ended it with Ed in a simple text message… he messaged me a polite response back but I could tell he was disappointed. It was pretty much a best of luck in your dating life message. It was as if I had written it myself. He felt the same excitement I did about our marathon first date and hope for a second date. I was actually a little heartbroken to write him the message and emotionally confused by his response. Yes I ended it and I was disappointed by his response. It was ridiculous….

I then started up the conversation with Sean again. We chatted for a couple of weeks. This time it felt a little different than before. I always love talking to him and had faith in this psychic’s reading that it would end in us getting back together. We continued to text and he even called me (my favorite). Then it died off, just like it did before. He got busy, I started to get my hopes up and then he distanced. Big things in his life became an after thought to our conversation and it stayed superficial. It was just the ending that I would have thought would have happened without the reading. I was disappointed but deep down knew it… he wasn’t ready and a reading wasn’t going to change that. I needed to move on.

THE TEXT

Several weeks had passed, and there I was sitting down in front of my TV and received a drunk text from Ed at 12 am. It was about how he was currently on a second date but still wondered about me. That he hated that I had ended things and didn’t understand why it had ended after our great first date. He had gone on several dates since then and thought about me and our date.
My heart both jumped and dipped.

I was so excited to talk with him again and he almost instantly asked me on a second date. Yes he was on a date asking me on a date. Not the best of circumstances but I ended it with a quick text after a great date…. so not sure that a romantic arms wide open meeting in the rain was going to happen.

I told him yes and for the night he needed to focus on his current date. Then the next morning he called me (yes again my absolute favorite) and formally asked me out again. The connection was there and it felt amazing to talk with him again. I felt it immediately.

I messaged my girlfriends (the ones I went on the walk with) and they were happy for me! I was worried they would be weirded out by what the psychic said. My one friend even said “Jill I’m so glad! I’ve been thinking about him and you. They both were just as happy for me as I was! (well almost)

We planned for the second date and I couldn’t have been more excited to see Ed again… Although I get even crazier on part 2 of this post… just wait 🤦🏻‍♀️

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