So over a year and half in and still single… like single… like totally single… in status. Why just in status? Well it depends on which part of me you ask. Ask my brain? I’m SINGLE… you ask my heart? It gets complicated. Yet another battle of mind vs heart.
That is because my friend I have been entered…pushed into the FRIEND ZONE and I can’t seem to get out. Now there is this idea that I have heard that the FZ is just a myth. One perpetuated by the media and by sad people trying to figure out why they can’t get a boyfriend/girlfriend. There is also the idea that the best relationships start out by being friends. That sounds great… on paper.
On many guys’ dating profile they write “I want to be friends first then see where it goes.” When I read that… I make a hard swipe left. (That’s the reject direction for all of my married readers). I know it sounds really romantic and always works in 1990’s rom coms…
However, I am a 34 year old mom (yes I hear that clock ticking too), homeowner, dog owner, career minded woman that barely has enough time to prioritize the things I need to. I have friends for life, that I don’t make enough time for (you all know I love you! we’ll get together soon I promise). So the idea that I am going to make it a priority to add another friend in the mix is not an option in my head.. or at least I thought not.
Now I’m going to find myself in a bit of hypocritical moment.. and yes I’m calling myself out on it. I’m more than happy to have a guy friend that I’ve dated IF I’M THE ONE NOT INTERESTED. Then we can be BFFs all the way. If my heart is not involved I can be the best of buddies with people. I have many of these guys in my life. After all Some of these guys I actively dated and some were guys I went on a date or two with and we realized we’re friends.
These are the guys I ask life questions to:
What do you do when you run out of gas? Do you call the police? – This one wasn’t good. It started off with a friendly lecture on how to read my gas meter… ended with call a friend, preferably him.
What printer should I buy? – I DO NOT want to look through reviews.
Why the hell doesn’t this guy like me? I’m amazing!- This one I like because if you’re my friend you probably think I’m amazing as well.. j/k I normally get actual practical advice on from this one.
Yet I find myself with a guy who started out with a different goal from both of us and now sees me as a “great friend” and is dating (not exclusively) someone else and it sucks! I find my normal black and white mind turning into a field of gray. Like drowning in gray paint.
I would imagine most people would just LOVE to have a guy that messages first everyday, randomly calls, remembers your coffee order, gives great advice, and is willing to go anywhere… I would too and I do..but I would enjoy it a lot more if it followed my black and white philosophy.
Instead I find myself questioning everything I do, contemplating ending conversations, becoming disinterested in the dating game, and not even giving other guys real chances. What I can’t figure out is… how do you open your heart to other people when you have someone in there that doesn’t want in there?
Now the good news (because I always look for the bright side) and what I’ll probably learn from this situation is patience. I no longer get stressed out by no texts, timelines, and with labeling the relationship. I just really want to know that someone is open to the same goal as I am. Then we can take it from there.
So what is your philosophy on the friend zone? How long do you wait? or at what point do you realize that…