Can you drown in the deep end of the Friend Zone?

So over a year and half in and still single… like single… like totally single… in status. Why just in status? Well it depends on which part of me you ask. Ask my brain? I’m SINGLE… you ask my heart? It gets complicated. Yet another battle of mind vs heart.

That is because my friend I have been entered…pushed into the FRIEND ZONE and I can’t seem to get out.  Now there is this idea that I have heard that the FZ is just a myth. One perpetuated by the media and by sad people trying to figure out why they can’t get a boyfriend/girlfriend. There is also the idea that the best relationships start out by being friends. That sounds great… on paper.

On many guys’ dating profile they write “I want to be friends first then see where it goes.” When I read that…  I make a hard swipe left. (That’s the reject direction for all of my married readers). I  know it sounds really romantic and always works in 1990’s rom coms…

However, I am a 34 year old mom (yes I hear that clock ticking too), homeowner, dog owner, career minded woman that barely has enough time to prioritize the things I need to. I have friends for life, that I don’t make enough time for (you all know I love you! we’ll get together soon I promise). So the idea that I am going to make it a priority to add another friend in the mix is not an option in my head.. or at least I thought not.

Now I’m going to find myself in a bit of hypocritical moment.. and yes I’m calling myself out on it. I’m more than happy to have a guy friend that I’ve dated IF I’M THE ONE NOT INTERESTED. Then we can be BFFs all the way. If my heart is not involved I can be the best of buddies with people. I have many of these guys in my life. After all Some of these guys I actively dated and some were guys I went on a date or two with and we realized we’re friends.

These are the guys I ask life questions to:

What do you do when you run out of gas? Do you call the police? – This one wasn’t good.  It started off with a friendly lecture on how to read my gas meter… ended with call a friend, preferably him.

What printer should I buy? – I DO NOT want to look through reviews.

Why the hell doesn’t this guy like me? I’m amazing!- This one I like because if you’re my friend you probably think I’m amazing as well.. j/k I normally get actual practical advice on from this one.

Yet I find myself with a guy who started out with a different goal from both of us and now sees me as a “great friend” and is dating (not exclusively) someone else and it sucks! I find my normal black and white mind turning into a field of gray. Like drowning in gray paint.

I would imagine most people would just LOVE to have a guy that messages first everyday, randomly calls, remembers your coffee order, gives great advice, and is willing to go anywhere… I would too and I do..but I would enjoy it a lot more if it followed my black and white philosophy.

Instead I find myself questioning everything I do,  contemplating ending conversations, becoming disinterested in the dating game, and not even giving other guys real chances. What I can’t figure out is… how do you open your heart to other people when you have someone in there that doesn’t want in there?

Now the good news (because I always look for the bright side) and what I’ll probably learn from this situation is patience. I no longer get stressed out by no texts, timelines, and with labeling the relationship. I just really want to know that someone is open to the same goal as I am. Then we can take it from there.

So what is your philosophy on the friend zone? How long do you wait? or at what point do you realize that…







  1. I have very little patience. If I realize a guy is FZ because I’ve put him there, I don’t make extra effort to spend time with him, because I just don’t have that time. (These days, that’s pretty much every guy, since I’m in not-dating mode right now.) But if a guy has FZ-ed me, and I still like him, I’ll give him one or two chances to realize he’s made a mistake. (Or come out of his shell, in case he’s just shy.) Then, if he’s still doing the FZ-thing, I have to relegate him to Meetup/group time with the rest of my “buds.” I feel your pain, Jill! My two cents: cut this guy off. You’re a hot commodity, you just need the right buyer. 😉 ❤


  2. I believe in love at first sight and butterflies and all that, so if the friend zone even hits for a moment, it is not it for me because that means all those butterflies, passion, etc. never existed or was only one sided. Travis and I are perfect opposites and have zero in common (other than a couple important things like politics and religion), if we were not in love we would for certain never hang out, and I like it that way. I know people who proudly say they “married their best friend”– I do not know, maybe that works for them, but I need the kind of passion from the start that a friend or best friend just cannot offer, otherwise there is no way you would ever just be friends at any point, The attraction should be way too intense on both sides for anything other than a full on relationship from the start. Ok- so I say wait for the guy that gives you butterflies and has total passion for you from the start. Kisses before high 5’s :)))

    Liked by 1 person

  3. When a guy says he wants a friend that what he means.If you put your heart in it to be more your going to get your heart broke.Men normally don’t beat around the bush.You have to go into as maybe maybe not.The man is the one to text you first after the date if not move on.It take 1 sec to text someone.No excuses.He will know if you are the one have faith it will happen.

    Liked by 1 person

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