So I have heard that there was a recent movie that came out that had Batman (a superhero for those like me) versus some other major superhero. I believe it was Superman…but I mean I could go with Robin, Captain America or Zorro. I really know nothing about either of them. I mean honestly my version of a Superhero is Oprah. Have you seen what she has done for girls in Africa?! A-MAY-ZING! Lets see Spiderman do something like that in real life?
Back to the movie, I’m sure it included epic battles and while watching the viewer is cheering for one side or the other. The time spent on the below dates with a guy named Jason* was one of these epic battles that had even had me switching sides throughout. The sides in this epic battle were my Heart versus my Mind.
Jason first messaged me on OkCupid. It was a message asking me if I could date a guy who liked the Bengals. I immediately saw his picture and was “Whoa! Yes… yes I would” He was good looking and his profile was engaging and fun. Definitely worth a positive reply. Within just a short time of chatting about sports, tv shows and basic info I was really excited about meeting him. We had a lot in common in terms of dating and had a lot of the same experiences and issues. We talked about dating by numbers, our Best of Luck speeches and how because we are so friendly we tend to give most people mixed signals while on a date. I thought yeah this guy “gets it” about dating. Plus the biggest bonus about talking to Jason, was he was the guy I was texting when I wrote my first blog. He was definitely my first reader (he read it immediately after I posted it because we were texting while I was writing) and has been one of my biggest supporters.
We decide to go to a local sushi place. I pulled into the sushi place and see him inside. He’s just as cute as the pictures so I’m pumped. I walk inside and he smiles big. It’s a little awkward when we order because there is a girl inside with crazy eyes (like she was legit crazy) and she keeps giving me really mean looks. I have no idea who she is but I say “Hi!” and smile at her. She gives me a mean look and Jason stands in front of me. I can tell he sees the crazy too so it’s a good conversation starter.
So we get our food and begin talking. It is truly one of the most honest conversations I’ve had during a first date. He asks me about my childhood and then about my divorce. He listens while being empathetic and without judgement. He doesn’t seem surprised (which can be tough for people) but just genuinely interest. He really didn’t have the idea of what was “society acceptable” questions and I loved it! I am an open book and think the same way. It opened me up to ask him about his life which brought up a lot of topics. We chatted about each of our dating histories and how we got to the point we were at. We were both just really comfortable chatting and the conversation didn’t stop. There was even a few moments where our eyes met that I thought… Hmm is that a spark?
The place was closing (literally closing) so we had to leave. He walked with me in the parking lot and gave me a hug. I thought he was going to go in for a kiss but he hesitated and went in for the hug instead. As he was walking to his car he yelled to me “I’ll text you later” and I said “Really? Woo Hoo!”. I was excited! Remember we had the conversation about being friendly and people then expecting second dates. So I didn’t want to get my hopes up or read too much into anything. He texted me on the way home.
Battle 1…Both on the same page:
My Mind After the Date: Wow! This guy really has potential. He’s direct like me and is truly interested in what I have to say. I missed the kiss but really enjoyed the hug!
My Heart After the Date: Yeah he’s cute!
Jason literally texts me Good Morning the next morning and we snap and text throughout the day (this continues throughout our entire courtship). I cannot believe how easy it is to keep the conversation going . These conversations include my blog and our previous relationships again and dating stories. He tells me he is recently out of a pretty serious relationship. I ask directly “Does he think he’s ready to date again?” he said he feels he is. The conversation is definitely effortless (this does not continue throughout the entire courtship).
The next week, we decide to meet at one of the food places in my town. I see him and once again I’m excited to see him. He gives me a hug again and we walk into the restaurant. We once again have a little bit of an awkward moment as the waiter decides to give us a 5 minute history lesson about the restaurant. A lot of good information… just A LOT of information. (hey he was passionate… that was good!) We order our food and play a name that tune game with the music that was playing in the restaurant. The conversation is not flowing quite as easily this time and I actually think that it’s because I did my own hair and make up and wasn’t as cute this time. I end up finding out that probably wasn’t it.
We talk for about a half an hour and then one of us brings out his previous relationship he just got out of. The next hour is a blur of him talking about his last girlfriend and his time with her. One of the key things he talks about was how they got into the relationship. He was dating several girls at once and decided that he should decide on one of them. He said if he was honest with himself he would have chosen her early on.
I quickly realize that his previous relationship is NOTHING like me. I’m sure that I heard the worst parts but he just kept saying how nice she was and nothing I heard made me think the word nice once. I actually make it my goal to assume the best about people and I take everything that anyone says about exes with a HUGE grain of salt. Even with all of that thought process I thought… yeah no. I liked her in the way that you should love everyone, not in the way I would want to associate myself with her. I even asked him you wouldn’t tell her who you are talking to right?
I’m sure anyone that has dated for a while has had this date. The date with someone who still has things to work out with themselves about an ex. I think it’s a dating staple. So at the end of the date we both agree that maybe he should take some time to figure things out.
Battle 2… A little disagreement:
My Mind After the Date: Really? This is who he dates? Does he even have the same goals as me? Can you really judge a guy by his previous relationships? This guy really seems like he likes drama filled girls which is definitely not me. Maybe it was a one time thing?
My Heart After the Date: Stick around this Jill. Be patient. This guy is worth waiting for.
So the waiting for him to figure things out wasn’t as black and white as I thought. We texted that night and everyday after that. We kept things friendly and not flirty and we chatted even more about his relationship and his status in working through things. It was a lot of texting and snapping and I found even more things in common.
During our conversation, I mentioned the Speed Dating event that I wanted to go to. He was all about going with me and I just loved the idea. Plus, it was planned for several weeks after our second date so it was perfect timing. He already mentioned another date he just went on so I thought I better jump in there soon.
I was excited all week the week of the speed dating. I really felt like he had worked things out and was in a better spot. Our texts progressed to be a little a little more flirty so I knew that this was going to be the date where things go the way they are supposed to go. The speed dating event started off a little rough with me having a flat tire. Jason was supposed to pick me up but with the timing he met me there. He was at the bar when I came into the location. He looked so cute and we both were a little nervous. We had a few drinks and walked into the speed dating venue.
Well you know how the event itself went. But, what I didn’t mention was how I kept looking for Jason and seeing how things were going for him. I was open to him meeting someone else… I just hoped it didn’t happen. When it was his time to chat with me it was such a relief. I was excited to see him and hear how things were going. We had an intermission break and during it I immediately went over to chat with him. We were VERY flirty with each other and I could feel the sparks. I thought afterwards when I sat down “well there goes any chance of any other guys choosing me”. So we finished up the rest of the event and walked out together.
He was doing sweet things like putting his hand on the small of back as we walked around the entertainment center. I was glad to be walking around with him and glad that we were going to be leaving together. We decided to head out to dinner (it was after 11pm) and I was happy to spend more time with him…
That dinner would change everything and really start the EPIC Battle… I’ll continue my blog by the end of this week. Trust me you’ll want to come back for this.