So I haven’t had any dates since my date with Aaron*. To be honest though, my regular life has been fairly active so I haven’t missed it.
I have a quote in my room that is my focus for the month of August….
This happened to be perfect for this month. My tribe has needed lots of love and I have been grateful for the focus to be there and not dating. It has been perfect timing for this mantra!
Plus, I am finding myself fall back into bad habits. Chasing after a guy. Again a super nice guy, really good looking, beyond smart and in this case very direct man.
But a man that doesn’t follow the most important rule…
the rule for a foundation of all other rules…
should have been RULE #1…
#17. Must want to date me / then eventually marry me
Truly just a minor detail in the grand scheme of things but seems like a pretty important quality for a future husband to have. 😉
I have a history of finding a guy that I’m interested in and then chasing and hoping. I know it sounds desperate and maybe it is. I just don’t play the dating game very well. I don’t play hard to get, I’m impatient, and I go after what I want. In life and in dating. It isn’t an issue with guys that want to date me. It’s just exciting when the feeling of attraction is mutual. When a guy isn’t interested and I am (which is rare) it can definitely be annoying and not attractive to that guy. The exact opposite desired effect…ugh.
So back to building my list… that is something I’m good at…
#18. Be a Best Friend
Now I know what my avid readers will say “Craig and you were not best friends?!”
My reply to that “Well he was best friends with my ex… give me this stretch it’s a good lesson!”
I would love to put why having a friendship within my future relationship will be important but I found a Facebook post that said very close to what I would have wrote, here it is…
#19. Tells Good Stories
Now this guideline in correlation with this blog may seem questionable. However, I loved hearing this guy’s police stories in the conversations before our date. Let’s call this time “Before Rigamortis Storytelling Time” (BRST).
On a more lively note (get it?), life has some highs and some lows. Most days though are a combination of either or just the middles. If a guy can find the fun moments in an otherwise “boring” day then we can do the same in our life together.
#20. Wants a Family
Next month is my 36th birthday. To be honest I always thought I would have another baby. My life goal was many babies.
I had a second pregnancy when my kid was about 5. This pregnancy ended early in a molar pregnancy. It was a long road agreeing to get pregnant and I knew in my gut this was going to be the only attempt during our marriage. I felt like a failure.
The months afterward were isolating and filled with online group chats with other grieving mamas. They were also filled with weekly blood work and 18 month waiting period for getting pregnant. I knew my time would be longer… if at all.
No one I knew at the time had been through this loss. Because of this, very loving and well intentioned people said things that were hurtful and further isolating.
“How far along were you? (10 weeks) Oh whew lucky for you it wasn’t too long!”
“Oh yeah, I had a friend that had a miscarriage she had a baby right away! You have hope.”
“So was it a baby or not? I mean it’s not like an actual baby. That helps right?”
This is something that I learned is not uncommon.
My hope was gone…
So when I fully accepted that the divorce was happening (about 5 minutes before the dissolution) I had a glimmer of hope for a baby and the future family I would have. I was 32. Now I am facing my 36th birthday… 4 years away from my 40th.
I have researched and found the reoccurrence of molar pregnancies increases after a mama hits 35 and if she has a history of one. Both scary statistics. Plus other chances of birth issues increase with age. Also, both of my pregnancies had BRUTAL morning sickness. ER visits and a night in the hospital for dehydration.
So to be honest I’m not sure if my future will include another baby or not. I’ve stopped focusing on the how I will have a family, instead just focused on the word family. I want a man that wants a family no matter what that looks like. I know we will figure that out together.
Right now though I have a beautiful family of a happy Mama, smart daughter and 3 crazy dogs! This present family means the world to me!